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Dark Poetry #3
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Ophelia is in the birdbath
| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Ophelia is in the birdbath |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
Lured towards madness by Hamlet's sire, draw my sword should you dare prevent me. Struggling to the sumit of the stars, toeing the edge, the boundary, the line. Leaning in the well a little to far, lightly tasting the wine of poison. Is this brew the elixir of insanity? Something seduced her to the waters, cast out hands to break the fall. Stretching towards the willow fronds, branches are to weak for Ophelia. Lean over the baby pool to feel water brushing warm hands. Such a tragedy, they say you meant it? i am not Ophelia, i am not so fair, i am to gullible to ever be had. Deny knowing how to make flowers, out of twigs and bones in your spare time. Stories, wishes and dreams don't come true, unless you lean, real far. But how far is to far into the brew? Water is an illusion, a jester, mirror mask and weeds below. A word from the wisest of fools: Don't have to get in to scrape the bottom, leave the very bottom for the desperate You and i can just watch reflections. Don't go in if you can't see the end from here..... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i watched Hamlet the other night,gosh it was good!! I now have a small obsession with ophelia,such an interesting part of the play =] much madness is divinest sense~Emily Dickinson |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
Wow, this has sparred my interest! I think I am going to have to convince my husband to watch it with me. I have Shakespear's complete work, so I will have to read it too! This was a great read. With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free.. dragonpoe |
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mirror man Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814 |
This is very good. I have often wondered about Ophelia too. Some say she went mad and killed herself, others that it was an accident, and still others that it was something else. But apparently, she thought Hamlet was dead. If you haven't seen the movie with Mel Gibson and Meryl Streep, I recommend it. If you want to know how far too far is, I can tell you that for sure: it's when you can't get out. The crazy jacket doesn't help either. Good work. [This message has been edited by mirror man (edited 02-23-2001).] |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
Dragonpoe-while you're at it you might also watch "Much ado about nothing",which i loved also,hope you like the old english,because both movies keep the shakespeare,i love it,it gets you into it more. Mirrow Man- Glad to see you got the point,my poetry tends to not be very reader friendly,rather hard to understand,happy to see someone figured it out though =] Hamlet with mel gibson and (i thought that was glen close?) was the one i saw,isn't it the greatest?? heehee thank you both ever so much  sammi much madness is divinest sense~Emily Dickinson |
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mirror man Senior Member
since 2001-01-08
Posts 814 |
Oops! I think you're right. But whoever she was, she was great. |
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Jazzmole Junior Member
since 2001-02-15
Posts 30Texas |
Swamp, You are close to having a Sonnet here, which I think would be cool in keeping with the Shakespeare/Hamlet theme. Most lines are close to 10 syllables and you have a total of 28 lines (the perfect number for two Sonnets). Anyway, I just thought I'd point that out if you hadn't noticed. As for the poem: You have some good imagery mingled in there and a couple of cool alliterations, "mirror mask and weeds below", I love that. However, I wonder if someone who is not familiar with the story of Hamlet would understand this poem, it seems to skip through the scenes quite a bit without much continuity between them. In S1 L5, S2 L4, S3 L2 and L7, the word "to" should be spelled "too". I noticed in your profile that you encourage constructive critiques; the reason that I'm pointing these out. As a huge fan of Shakespeare, and most especially Hamlet, I thoroughly enjoyed this. I still think a Sonnet would be cool.  Michael~ |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
hmmm a sonnet,that would b cool,if i only knew what a sonnet was!! lol!! i don't get technical,i just write what vaguely resembles poetry,i really haven't got a clue. Thanks for you suggestions!! Maybe i'll figure it out =] thanks!! sammi much madness is divinest sense~Emily Dickinson |
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Jazzmole Junior Member
since 2001-02-15
Posts 30Texas |
Swamp, to answer your question; a sonnet is a form, which although has several, 10/14 is the most common, explained here: There must be 14 lines, each with 10 syllables, no more, no less. There are four sections to these 14 lines. Sections 1-3 are inter-related, and each ('quatrains' as the jargon terms the first three sections) are four lines long. Every other line in the section rhymes at its ending like this: section 1: line one: a two: b three: a four: b The other 2 quatrains follow that pattern, but are supposed to each have a different rhyme in them than the other quatrains (and, if you are wondering, sentences and phrases don't have to stick to one quatrain, they can go across as many quatrains as you wish: some sonnnets are only one 14 line sentence  )My favorite part of the sonnet are the final two lines ('couplet' I believe). They both carry the same ending rhyme sound. Basically it is like a conclusion paragraph of an essay: the good ones make an interesting (but shorter) statement or question that exemplifies the entire sonnet. Here is an example in one of Shakespeare's sonnets: quote: note: The last word "then" is attached to the previous line, the space being too limited caused it to wrap. *sigh* he was 'da bomb! Hope that helps, Michael~ [This message has been edited by Jazzmole (edited 02-24-2001).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
(Jazz - don't forget the iambic pentameter that forms the syllable basis for each of the lines of 10 syllables within a sonnet... also - I think the copywrite laws on Shakespeare's work prevents anyone from using his sonnets in their entirety on the net - Ron may remove part or all of it - just letting you know it might happen. )Swamp - this was a really good read - I have always been fascinated by Ophelia - one of those mythical persons who haunt me down the ages lol... thanks for sharing.  K[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 02-24-2001).] |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
Thanks alot Jazz and Severn!! i will try to absorb that and put it to good use!! THANK YA!! ¤§wåmpïê¤ much madness is divinest sense~Emily Dickinson |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Brilliant stuff here hon... has the perfect feel for shakespeare or a sonnet. You surprised yourself didn't you? Isis *War produces one thing - Cemetaries. And in cemetaries there are no enemies!* ~Isis~~Sovereign of the Spirit. |
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mystic requiem Member
since 2001-01-26
Posts 144 |
*stands and applauds* This is an excellent poem. I admire your depth. More! More! *thanx*   |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
thanks isis and mystic!! isis-surprise myself? not really,lol,i think most of my stuff is borderline trash,and i've said it once i'll say it again,i am always so surprised when things go over. I was rather surprised to know i had nearly written a sonnet after years of knowing a sonnet was something popular in medieval times,but never really actually knowing what it is...lol. crazy isn't it?? mystic- Thanks for your comment and may i say what a lovely picture that is!! How do you do that anyways?? Have you ever visites artmajick.com ?? It's mostly pre-raphealite art,but there some art nouveau and impressionism there too,go visit i think you'd love it!! thanks ya'll!! sam much madness is divinest sense~Emily Dickinson |
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