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Jonas
Senior Member
since 2000-03-03
Posts 796
Oregon

0 posted 2001-02-17 12:26 PM


This day passes like any other,
colorful candies and red roses
gather dust on store shelves,
while sweet scented candles
remain safely cocooned
within sterile plastic sheaths,
their ivory wicks untouched
by the flirtatious kiss of a match
held between fingertips.

© 2/15/01



© Copyright 2001 Gary - All Rights Reserved
taramw
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738

1 posted 2001-02-17 01:26 AM


Hi Jonas

Loved this! Especially:

"their ivory wicks untouched
by the flirtatious kiss of a match
held between fingertips."

Enjoyed it immensely. Take care!

~ Tara ~


may you live all the days of your life. -- jonathan swift

Temptress*Moon
Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 240
Long Island, NY
2 posted 2001-02-17 12:25 PM


This was Beautiful*S*
Temptress*Moon



I slept and dreamed that life was beauty was thy dream then a shadowy lie? -ESH-

Swamp¤Faeryie
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393
fairyland....of course;)
3 posted 2001-02-17 10:55 PM


this was very very artistic!! i adore it,it needs to be in my library,great peice of work. WOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!What more can i say huh??

samantha


Do i contradict myself?Very well i contradict myself.I contain multitudes.~walt whitman

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

4 posted 2001-02-18 01:05 AM


I liked the flow..I liked the imagery..
you know what? I don't think it needs any punctuation at all - its style pretty much puts the pauses in there...

maybe try it without the commas and see how it reads? All those commas make it an awfully long sentence

I like this overall, Jonas..thankyou for the read..

K



...and I have found that a lifetime can be lived in one moment...

T.G.M.

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
5 posted 2001-02-18 08:07 PM


What sad and lonely imagery portrayed here...
Well done..
Isis

*War produces one thing - Cemetaries. And in cemetaries there are no enemies!*
~Isis~~Sovereign of the Spirit.



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