»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #3
»
Battle's Eve
| Dark Poetry #3 |
|
Battle's Eve |
|
|
G. A. Webb Member
since 2000-01-21
Posts 441Stanton, California, USA |
Indian fires burning bright Piercing through the black of night Come morning's dawn at first day light Blood will spill as they will fight Their beautiful land's been torn asunder From the white man's thoughtless plunder A white-hot sun's what they'll fight under While striking their foes like rolling thunder No time now to question why The time has come to kill or die Dancing beneath the starry sky They offer prayers to gods on high The harsh truth now they all believe Men will die and wives will grieve The taking of life and flesh they'll cleave They contemplate this battle's eve G. A. Webb Regret not that which you have done, Rather that which you haven't |
||
| © Copyright 2001 G. A. Webb - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
mystic requiem Member
since 2001-01-26
Posts 144 |
You write of a tragic time in the U.S.A.'s hisory. Being part native american, I can relate to your poem. A good stirring of emotions here. *thanx*   |
||
|
Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
G.A. I like your treatment of this subject. The rhyme works fine. Can I take the liberty to suggest an alternate to the second verse, to better match the rhythm of the rest? And I think "holy" and "evil" better describe the cultural clash. Their holy land torn asunder By the white man's evil plunder A white-hot sun they'll fight under Striking foes like rolling thunder (I know, you would have submitted this to that other forum if you really wanted a critique . . . I just couldn't shut up my editor today. Hope you don't mind TOO much.) Krawdad |
||
|
G. A. Webb Member
since 2000-01-21
Posts 441Stanton, California, USA |
mystic requiem: You're right, that was a tragic time. I too have some american indian in me. I suppose that part of me shows in this piece. Thank you.  Krawdad: Thanks for the suggestion, but I think it's ok the way it is. Perhaps reblocking might help to smoothen out the rythm. I don't know, I might do that. Thanks! G Regret not that which you have done, Rather that which you haven't |
||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hey this was really great. You captured my attention and brought into the poem. Wonderful job on this one. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
The American Indian suffered greatly at the hands of white man. I believe all too often we forget they too had family they loved, wives, children etc. Have we learnt? I surely hope so!! Sensitvely written hon  Isis *War produces one thing - Cemetaries. And in cemetaries there are no enemies!* ~Isis~~Sovereign of the Spirit. |
||
|
Baby G Junior Member
since 2001-01-28
Posts 39Australia |
A very original topic indeed! I loved it! can't wait to see more! |
||
|
Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
G A Webb I like the way you put this together, I could almost feel the complation of the clash of battle. write on Kethry Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen. |
||
|
fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Although I am not in any way native, the burden of what my ancestors did to the native peoples of North America is something I still bear. Here in Canada, we had a similar history of bussiness men exploiting natives for beer while taking their land from under their feet. |
||
|
Skoota Junior Member
since 2000-12-23
Posts 28Australia |
Webb, you've yet again proven what a genius you are with words. A spectacular poem. Sim Come to me Kill for me Worship me. Follow everthing I do Act it out before me Godhead - The Reckoning |
||
|
G. A. Webb Member
since 2000-01-21
Posts 441Stanton, California, USA |
Dopey_Dope: Thanks bud, I'm glad you liked it! :- Isis: That's a good question because the exploitation of men still exists in the world. Thanks! :- Baby G: Thank you, and see more you shall. :- Kethry: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. :- fractal007: We can do nothing to change the past but learn from it and not make the same mistakes over again. Thanks! :- Skoota: Wow...what a compliment, I am truly honored, thank you. :- G Regret not that which you have done, Rather that which you haven't |
||
|
Kaneix Junior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 15 |
I see what you mean by the similarities between your poem and mine G.A. I like your poem and the emotions behind it - good work! |
||
|
coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
They sing their death songs, and prepare themselves, for they may soon know death. Yet, it is a good day to die. Thanks, I liked it. "The poet is the priest of the invisible." |
||
|
Lady Bere Member
since 2000-02-03
Posts 73Valmeyer, Illinois USA |
Bravo! The strength of a people fighting for their homes, the passions of their convictions, the thoughtlessness of their oppressors. It can all be felt through the flow of this poem. Without darkness there is no light |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
