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| Dark Poetry #3 |
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Nowhere |
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forever_unforgiven2 New Member
since 2001-01-05
Posts 4 |
Nowhere I'm my own disease My soul's worn thin Rolling down my sleeves Empty within You see me as the moldy green jello Desecrating inside your fridge Look upon me with disgust Can't cross my bridge I want you to eat me And feel this hollow b**** I want you to swallow Each and every bit I taste like hott death I feel like ice I sound like bitter silence Beyond the dead of night Eyes look beyond me Through me Never knew me Tasting sweetness on their sour tongues Bitterness at the tip Blood seeping from my lip I go beyong belonging I stay so near to far I can't turn back Or keep on going This is where we are [This message has been edited by forever_unforgiven2 (edited 01-28-2001).] |
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mystic requiem Member
since 2001-01-26
Posts 144 |
This poem shows a bit of zealous pattern to a sexual over tone. However, when looking past that point... I see a great dark style. You have a excellent way of weaving your words. *thanx*   mYsTiC [This message has been edited by mystic requiem (edited 01-28-2001).] |
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howpeculiar Member
since 2000-12-12
Posts 56 |
Okay, it was a little hard to look past "Moldy green jello", but I liked this line: Tasting sweetness on their sour tongues and the light rhyming throughout, specifically Bitterness at the tip Blood seeping from my lip This piece: leaning farther toward angst or fatalism? Either way, a few clever phrases ...just stay away from the instant foods.  |
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armanca Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211Tennessee |
This reminded me of a work: called DevilsFoodCake "The devil in you ate a piece of me today Did it taste like a cake? or was it a burst of a lemon flame." I was also caught off guard with the moldy green jello, but found other lines that were great. Carman |
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Swamp¤Faeryie Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393fairyland....of course;) |
this way very good,and vague,but the vagueness was suggestive of images and associations,very interesting... swampo p.s. i like the moldy green jello,to me it was a small bit of absurd morbid humor inserted in a more serious poem,i like that it's rather grotesque =] Do i contradict myself?Very well i contradict myself.I contain multitudes.~walt whitman |
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