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Dark Poetry #3
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2001-01-25 11:57 AM


He writes of her as if he knows her
moon, and songs of love she sings
He speaks as though he's danced below
her arms the comfort of moonbeams
and all this rhyme of twinkly things
her eyes a million lights in sky
as I keep pace of haunting's trace
blowing smoke-rings as he dreams--
for all my words that went unheard
each dawn another tear to cry...
I cannot find capacity,
I can never speak
That word I've heard through tears of burn--
I cannot tell this man "goodbye."

So it is true I make my choice
and where I stand intend to dwell,
No one understands me now...
My preference to stay in Hell.
He says we cannot understand,
but I think that I do
in bondage to decaying past
I closed my eyes to present truth.


© Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
He
Junior Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 41

1 posted 2001-01-25 12:41 PM


A soul tearing search of self whose conclusion accepting seems the ultimate deinal of self.

Beyond sad.

Ginners
Member
since 2000-07-22
Posts 339
Mullica Hill, New Jersey
2 posted 2001-01-25 12:59 PM


This is a wonderful piece and i really enjoyed reading it.
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
3 posted 2001-01-25 02:01 PM


I think we all spend a little time in hell...James
Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

4 posted 2001-01-25 03:06 PM


Oh K dear...this is heart breaking...but I have to say it is beautifully written...

I cannot find capacity,
I can never speak
That word I've heard through tears of burn--

Thanks for posting here my friend...many hugs to you...

K


Strokes of ink, words, dreams like
Waking mountains make intimate conversations
With my shadow

From 'Words in the Night' by Jeff Geddes


firecrakker
Member
since 2000-10-20
Posts 235
Virginia
5 posted 2001-01-25 04:38 PM


I have to agree with those before me.. there was a beautiful flow of words, here. I'm not exactly sure how you did it, but looking at it structurally, I thought it would be hard to find the rhythm.. but, it was just there and went so well with your theme. Great write.

Sheila

monique
Member
since 2000-02-03
Posts 369
Louisiana
6 posted 2001-01-25 10:08 PM


Oh! Serenity
can we pull you out of Hell
The poem is fabulous
And the feeling is heartfull and artfull


[This message has been edited by monique (edited 01-27-2001).]

wandering
Member
since 2001-01-21
Posts 92

7 posted 2001-01-25 11:20 PM


such deep feelings burn within this piece...wonderfully written

lost in thought, found in words.
wanderer

Cerenity
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637
Escondido-California
8 posted 2001-01-27 12:08 PM


Sister Serenity,


These words gems of sorrow,

as I keep pace of haunting's trace
blowing smoke-rings as he dreams--
for all my words that went unheard
each dawn another tear to cry...
I cannot find capacity,
I can never speak
That word I've heard through tears of burn--
I cannot tell this man "goodbye.

"YIKES" they are SOOOoooo very perfect,

Love, Cerenity


"God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist.
We have to be reminded that He exist!"

(Writer Unknown)



Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
9 posted 2001-01-27 12:22 PM


serenity,
*HuGS*
write on, till pain is gone
Keth


Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life. Patty Hansen.



mystic requiem
Member
since 2001-01-26
Posts 144

10 posted 2001-01-27 11:21 AM


Simply great! Your dark flow is mesmerizing.
*thanx*

mYsTiC


[This message has been edited by mystic requiem (edited 01-27-2001).]

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

11 posted 2001-01-27 09:08 PM


No one understands me now...
My preference to stay in Hell.


Hey Sista, I understand you  
I do.

your poem was beautiful in its pain and its ache. Great writing hon  

Maree

mystic requiem
Member
since 2001-01-26
Posts 144

12 posted 2001-01-28 03:09 PM


Wow!
I wonder if we enjoy torturing ourselves
with moments past rather than moving on
at times?
There is a strange pleasure in pain.
Good dark stuff here!
You know I had to come back for more!
*thanx*

mYsTiC

[This message has been edited by mystic requiem (edited 01-29-2001).]

sgreybe
Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 209
London, UK
13 posted 2001-01-29 05:17 AM


Serenity

This is awesome, powerful stuff, simply heart-wrenching.
Resigned to sadness.
Thanks for sharing

*hugs*
Sylvia

Baby G
Junior Member
since 2001-01-28
Posts 39
Australia
14 posted 2001-01-29 06:35 AM


I loved your poem, and if I could ever write as good as you, I'd never put my pen down.  your fantastic!
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

15 posted 2001-01-29 12:56 PM


I want to thank you all...am overwhelmed here...was sort of another experiment in using internal rhymes to kinda stitch a weave--so glad that it translated!!

Bless ya all my dark passioned friends!

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
16 posted 2001-01-29 01:20 PM


I'm... *sniff* ...touched.

Teasin' S'en - you write true, that's what makes 'em good.

C

howpeculiar
Member
since 2000-12-12
Posts 56

17 posted 2001-01-29 01:43 PM


This describes too many years of my life in ways I didn't dare begin to write. Almost a release for me, just to see the words there, even if they are not my own. Whatever details are changed from experience to experience, I HAVE BEEN HERE.
THANK you for this.

Take care of yourself in all respects, please. Think, want, and be well.

firejerm
Member
since 2000-06-13
Posts 217
Springfield, OH, good ol USA
18 posted 2001-01-29 08:09 PM


If hell does exist, it is here and it is now.  I hope certainly the character in this poem isn't one who constantly complains and cries about the situation she's in and yet stays, aggravating her freinds...stupidity gives way to stubborness after a while.  Sad, but good write!

Jeremy

"Those little slices of death, how I loathe them."
-Edgar Allen Poe

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

19 posted 2001-01-29 10:09 PM


firejrm...izzat it? I take no offense, even tho this is obviously a personal poem for me...more's the pity, I say, because I do understand that what we do not understand?
We will eventually experience for ourselves.
Sort of a spiritual law. But thank you.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
20 posted 2001-01-30 12:59 PM


Very nice one here. The power in this poem is amazing. Good job on it.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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