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Fallen Angel of Darkness
Junior Member

since 2001-01-17

Posts 26
Among the Shadows

0 posted 2001-01-18 01:50 AM

I just want to say that this isn't my first post.  I was known in this forum as Night Chica and have previously posted a few of my poems here whenever I de-lurked, as well as replying to other's pieces.  However due to an inactive e-mail account and lost password I had to change names.

Also, this is kind of long...please bear with me.

Not the Case

Every word uttered by you
Was so carefully considered before
It just weighs so much more with me now.
Every sentence is analyzed, overly so
Until distorted into cynical views.
Miscommunicated phrases taken the wrong way;
Disheartenment daily...When does it all end?
Why does it seem like the only conclusion
I'm able to draw is:
One of us cares more than the other does
When this is entirely untrue.
At least it's hoped to be false.

Right or wrong
Neither seem to register anymore.
Truth, fiction, where is the line drawn?
I can't seem to pick them apart,
The boundary has been faded and worn away
Like the remnants of a child's chalk drawing on the street
After a summer storm has swept through.

Faith;
The word seems meaningless to me.
It is more like an illusion,
A mere lie that keeps people functioning.
It seems as if for the first time in years
I'm seeing clearly
When the truth is I couldn't be more blind.

Reality seems shrouded in dark mists
That swirl and twist in dismal vapors,
They dart mindlessly,
Allowing glimpses here and there.
Whether it is fact or fantasy
Has yet to be determined.

What do you do when black and white
Have been slurred together
Forming a foggy gray?
What happens when everything you thought you knew
Crumbles at your very finger tips?
How do you find the energy to fight
When the battle seems already lost?

A rational decision; that's all I'm asking for.
Do I cling to a love
One that provided the happiest moments of my year?
Do I continue to fight for it,
Even though it seems to be set up for failure?

Passive
In a word that describes how I've been
All my life.
Compliant;
Easy-going;
Completely submissive to the will of others.

Independent; Confident; Resistant
This new girl stepped forth,
Out of the ashes;
Sullied and tarnished.
Yet she was stronger,
Harder to break.
No longer would she stand there
And let people push her around;
No longer was she their rag doll,
Their clay to shape and mold themselves.
Within her were the scorching embers
That warmed her wounds and kept them fresh enough
So she would never forget her past.
She was a fighter, a survivor;
Everything she never had been before.

It seems like I've struggled
Just to get where I am today.
Now I'm faced with an obstacle,
One that I've never faced before,
Which brings about a difficult decision:
Do I step aside and accept this 'fate'?
Do I just roll over and let things be?
Or do I take a stand and fight for it,
Fight for something that I can't imagine
  letting go of?

It seems like such a frivolous act;
It's like I'm just setting myself up
For even more pain.
Yet the prospect of things,
The optimism I have
Just to have another chance
To belong to you,
To fall asleep in your arms
To be held the same as before
It makes everything seem worthwhile.

Talk to me;
Tell me what's right, and what's wrong.
Show me reality;
Dispel these fantasy blurred lines.
I would wait for you,
Just tell me how long.
I would do anything for you;
Just tell me what you want.
I am at your disposal;
Totally submissive again.
It's funny how you have the power to do that.

I'm clinging to the hope
That our past is in the future.
I'm willing to fight for a cause
That keeps us together.
But it will only work if we're in this together.
And frankly,
I don't think that's the case.

Comments? Criticism? Flames? All welcome.  Comments and criticism will be taken into consideration while flames will be used to light my insence.  Thanks for reading.

~* Megs *~

< !signature-->

"Those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love: it is the faithless who know love's tragedies."  Oscar Wilde

[This message has been edited by Fallen Angel of Darkness (edited 01-18-2001).]

mirror man
Senior Member

since 2001-01-08

Posts 814

1 posted 2001-01-18 02:06 AM

You say much truth. I would say reality is better as a blur. If you feel right with it, and you are not hurting anyone, I say go for it. This is a good poem. And good luck to you.

Temptress*Moon
Member

since 2001-01-15

Posts 240
Long Island, NY

2 posted 2001-01-18 12:49 PM

This has left me speechless!
And with tear filled eyes..
Temp!

I slept and dreamed that life was beauty was thy dream then a shadowy lie? -ESH-

Ian Llewellyn ap-Griffith
Member

since 2000-02-12

Posts 197
Cincinnati, Oh, U.S.A.

3 posted 2001-07-03 03:08 AM

What to do? That is the question of our lives. And our loves. Should we fight a hopeless course? Remember Agincourt! And the Alamo. Follow your heart. We, devotee's of the Spirit of Passion, know of love, faith and despair like no others. Revel in all of these and succumb to none. If he is blind, make him see. If he is deaf, sing to him so that he will hear. But, if he has resigned himself to the Spirit of Loss, he is beyond redemption. Find one who will see, listen and sing with you.
This is the wisdom (steeped in wine) of your brother in Passion. Take it as you will.
Ian

Sing while you may
-The Prophet Qa'sepel

Your pain is for you alone, As it is, As it was, As it will be forever, Amen
-The Prophet Qa'sepel

CrEaTuRe
Member

since 2000-01-01

Posts 260
Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia

4 posted 2001-07-04 03:44 PM

A nice piece of work ....It made me to wonder a lil too .... follow wat ever that seems rite to you after that's life ....

Love CoMeS To ThOsE WhO Still HoPe AlThOuGh They've BeeN DiSaPpOiNteD,To ThOsE WhO StiLL BeLiEvE AlThOuGh ThEy'Ve BeeN BeTraYeD,LoVe KeEpS ThEm GoInG

Dark Kisses
Member

since 2001-06-24

Posts 364
Flat lands of Kansas

5 posted 2001-07-05 01:00 AM

All I can say is.....WOW!! This was great reading. The tears just flowed.I too know the feeling of wanting a certain person so badly that I would do anything for him. Yet reality kicks in and I feel ignorant for some of the things I say. Hmmmm isnt it funny how feeling love for someone can totally confuse the *heck* out of ya

Nice one,
Mags

Don't fear your tears!

Fallen Angel of Darkness
Junior Member

since 2001-01-17

Posts 26
Among the Shadows

6 posted 2001-07-09 10:48 AM

Thanks everyone for the kind words! Imagine my surprise when I found that people had sent replies to something I wrote so long ago! Thank you!

That part of my life is thankfully past and despite all that has happened I'm in a happier place at the moment. :-)

~* Megs *~

I love the lines some men use to get us into bed. "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I, a microwave?
— Beverly Mickins

[This message has been edited by Fallen Angel of Darkness (edited 07-09-2001).]

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