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Swamp¤Faeryie
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393
fairyland....of course;)

0 posted 2001-01-09 01:43 PM


i know this is kind of a weird format,but when read aloud i wanted their to be falters and pauses at the end of each line. This ones not meant for flowing rhythm i don't think.


You have created me
i am damned
to earth.

You have founded me
and built me
upon a stone.

You have jumbled
your ingredients
and made me.

You have mixed
strong perfume
with water.

What is left?
Weak perfume
or strong water?

Neither,either,or....
You launch me into life
and forbid me death.

You created me
you are me
i am you.

How dare you
dare to mix
the elements.

How dare you create
a monster for all
to gawk at.

I am a circus performer,
created for my own
amusement.

My mirror is my stage
and i watch myself
scramble from one
act to another.

I am only dust.


"All art is an expression of pain."~John Lennon

© Copyright 2001 Swamp¤Faeryie - All Rights Reserved
Jannel
Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 492
Muncie, IN, USA
1 posted 2001-01-09 04:45 PM


nice. i liked the perfume water thing.  very cool.

jann elizabeth

Isis
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland
2 posted 2001-01-09 06:54 PM


Such self doubt saddens me.  Can circus performers do anything well (other than their act?)  It is quite obvious to me you have a poetic gift at least, so don't self condemn too hard....
Great work
isis

*The heart of education is the education of the heart...*
~Isis~~Sovereign of the Spirit.


Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

3 posted 2001-01-10 05:12 AM


S F...it isn't weird. It's perfectable acceptable free verse - it's, um, pretty much how I write all the time lol...I also find that I get falters when I break up the lines further..so something like

'You have jumbled your
ingredients and
made me'

gets a huge falter in there hehe.

I like this - I think it is well done, with some excellent concepts.

Thanks for the read!

K

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-01-11 01:34 PM


Wow, wow I really enjoyed this poem. Very creative!!


I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

DreamSeeker
Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 72

5 posted 2001-01-11 02:49 PM


Indeed for are we all
not merely performers
and what more than
ashes and dust
our ancestors to
lie with soon enough
is
there a legacy
           of aspiration
             in dying breath
                       bequethed

                

[This message has been edited by DreamSeeker (edited 01-11-2001).]

Swamp¤Faeryie
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393
fairyland....of course;)
6 posted 2001-01-13 12:04 PM


oh thank you all!! gee i feel so nice about my poetry after hearing a little praise!! I still think i make a lousey poetess,but i like to think i've a few original ideas =] Thaks very much everyone =]

swamp


"All art is an expression of pain."~John Lennon

JOY 14
Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA
7 posted 2001-01-13 02:05 AM


Oh, I don't think so Swamp. The jagged edges of this poem make it great. I like this.

"My mirror is my stage
and i watch myself
scramble from one
act to another.

I am only dust."

Smiles    

Joy


firejerm
Member
since 2000-06-13
Posts 217
Springfield, OH, good ol USA
8 posted 2001-01-14 08:28 PM


I would like to think that a strong perfume came from the creation rather than water.  This was rather hypnotic.

Jeremy

"Those little slices of death, how I loathe them."
-Edgar Allen Poe

Swamp¤Faeryie
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393
fairyland....of course;)
9 posted 2001-01-15 03:42 PM


thank you joy and jeremy =]

"All art is an expression of pain."~John Lennon

armanca
Member
since 1999-07-07
Posts 211
Tennessee
10 posted 2001-01-16 09:36 AM


"My mirror is my stage
and i watch myself
scramble from one
act to another.

I am only dust"


I loved that part... it was like i was standing right there inside your poem

Carman


dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
11 posted 2001-01-16 10:44 AM


wow..the silence in all of us is broken with this one..as i'm certain you speak a little of our own innermost thoughts!  (mine, at least..lol)

awesome write..i love it!  

to the private library with this little puppy!  

great one!! hugs, g


"oh baby baby, its a wild world..its hard to get by just upon a smile..." cat stevens

Swamp¤Faeryie
Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 393
fairyland....of course;)
12 posted 2001-01-18 01:32 PM


Thank you Carmen and dgvarner!! i am always stunned when i get replies to my poems.
This has nothing to do with anyone,but i just read the other day that Michelangelo (the sistine chapel michelangelo)had a hobby of writing sonnets and verse through out his life,he wrote millions of poems,but very few survive because he destroyed most,he never considered himself more than an amateur poet and thought only a few of his poems worthy of being seen. Isn't that interesting? I just thought that was so cool....okay i'm done now =]

swamp


Do i contradict myself?Very well i contradict myself.I contain multitudes.~walt whitman

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