Untitled (revised) - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 2001-06-26 11:07 AM

Look at me!
My ribcage glows like a lantern...
Peel the skin off my chest,
make the burden lighter!
My shadow,
instead of falling down, slanted,
only rises higher!
I’m floating!
The mercury climbs up the thermometer.
With all of the warmth that I’ve put into verses,
I came out profitless.
Goodness,
let me fall out of love with her,
(I don’t deserve this!)
or else,
I will burn out from happiness.
Goodness,
let her be trite and stale!
Let her look down on me,
scornfully!
Hide her smile under the sky’s dark veil,--
maybe then I will love her
normally!
maybe then, I’ll be able to gaze at her
without hiding my eyes
from the sharp razorblades
of the blazing horizons,
afraid of seeing!
(Just look at me!)
I feel like an elephant
trapped in a skeleton
of a human being!

Check out my poetry here:

http://www.unknownpoets.com/db/authors/master

[This message has been edited by Master (edited 06-26-2001).]

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

1 posted 2001-06-26 01:33 PM

I don't have a suggestion for a title but I enjoyed the poem. It is extrememly good. Sorry I couldn't help
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-06-27 02:11 AM

I REALLY liked the ending. I didn't quite get the human in an elephant ending but the symbolism behind that really intrigues me.....I know you never reply to your own poems to explain anything, but I would like to know what it means...oh well.
Anyhow, you did this one very well. I loved it. Get better man, sounds like a tough situation.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-06-27 07:09 PM

great job!...i enjoyed thispoem greatly...very nice touch to it...and the ending was awesome

...bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.