my first attempt at a love poem

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fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

0 posted 2001-06-22 06:04 PM

hi hi, lol i was looking back at some of the poems i've posted here, and i realized something...THEY'RE ALL DEPRESSING!!!  so yesterday i made it my goal to write a happy love poem, this is wut i came up with.  plz read and respond honestly.  thanks!!!!! -fear-

your love is a drug,
that i  can't get enough of.

your kiss is a candy,
that is too sweet.

your touch is a cool wind,
whippin' across my skin.

your soul is a world,
left open for me to  explore.

your heart is an oasis,
deep in the heart of the  desert.

your love is the savior,
for my soul.

-fear-

"I know the pieces fit cause i watched them fall away"--TooL

[This message has been edited by fearing-laughter (edited 06-22-2001).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-06-22 06:07 PM

this is awesome

you should do more.....you do very well

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

2 posted 2001-06-22 07:19 PM

Just my honest opinion, but...I could tell that this was incredibly forced. Hey, if the depressing stuff is what flows, let it flow, eh? Overall, though, the word choices were pretty good...I liked the soul one. Keep lettin it flow.

~Carly

"Go outside and use your own eyes. You'll be surprised to see things you've never been taught..."
~Edouard Manet

FoxXena
Member

since 2001-06-13

Posts 141
where dragons play, children run free and foxes are never hunted

3 posted 2001-06-22 07:26 PM

Not bad for a first time.

*+*Would you be known by everybody? Then you know nobody.~
-Publilus Syrus*+*

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

4 posted 2001-06-22 08:23 PM

Better than I can do right now (course I'm very cynical at this point, so...). I like it, actually, like it a lot in fact. But, if the depressing ones are easier, write them. I'm not saying stop love poems, cause love isn't the easiest thing to write about. It just takes practice, is all.
Rhonda

"Amy, can you PLEASE come to Spain with us so that we have someone to keep Rhonda calm?" - Mr. Ardeil *insert hysterical laughter from me here*

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-06-23 01:07 PM

This isn't bad at all for the first love poem you've ever written. It's always a good idea to try new things once in awhile. Nice job. I enjoyed this.

--Marie

"Well the sun is slowly sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising. So this old world must still be spinning ‘round, and I still love you."–James T.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-06-26 12:28 PM

Such a sweet poem. You write beautiful love poems

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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