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Teen Poetry #4
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MoeRocko
Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166
West Virginia

0 posted 2001-06-20 02:36 PM


In my mind, I can see your face
As your love pours down
in a shower of grace
Some people tell me you're just a dream
But my faith is the evidence of things unseen

You know what I'm going through
I know this is true, because you've stood in my shoes
Desires inside of me, but it's hard to believe in what you cannot see

Can you catch the wind?
Can you see the breeze?
His presence is revealed by the leaves on the trees
an image of my faith in the unseen

In my mind's eye, I see your face
You smile as you show me grace
In my minds eye, you take my hand
We walk through foreign lands
The foreign lands of life.

You ride the storm
through the rain
You comfort me, in my hurricane
I'll never be alone again...

People tell me that you're just a dream
They don't know you the way that I do
You're the one I live to pursue


If there's a such thing as a Genius, then I'm one. If there's no such thing then I don't care... ~John Lennon

© Copyright 2001 Ewok Enterprise - All Rights Reserved
the_rescue
Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316
Japan
1 posted 2001-06-20 03:02 PM


ROCK ON that was really good but of course I'm biased lol I loved the poem it was awesome Library piece

I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
2 posted 2001-06-20 05:17 PM


This poem rocks, Moe!  I loved it.  There's so much truth in this poem... these are beautiful words.  Very nice work.

--Marie

"Well the sun is slowly sinking down, but the moon is slowly rising... so this old world must still be spinning 'round. And I still love you." -James

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
3 posted 2001-06-20 09:14 PM


Great message of dedication and belief here

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

Skyfire
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Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
4 posted 2001-06-20 09:29 PM


Pretty cool! Sounds pretty good to music too, but I could never figure out all the words! LOL!   You're great!  
Rhonda  

"Who did that?" "Charlie and Blake." "Who's Charlie and Blake?" "Rhonda and Amy.""Great. There goes the school."

punkrockerrobin
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Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
5 posted 2001-06-21 08:37 AM


ewok this was sooooooooooo pretty!
robin
  

I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL!

Linc
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy
6 posted 2001-06-21 09:09 AM


2 words "GET IT!" nuff said  

     -- Linc

MoeRocko
Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166
West Virginia
7 posted 2001-06-21 11:34 AM


True SkyFire    I Love the way it was written

If there's a such thing as a Genius, then I'm one. If there's no such thing then I don't care...  ~John Lennon
  

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
8 posted 2001-06-22 03:06 AM


Very nicely written. I enjoyed this one immensely.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

9 posted 2001-06-22 03:33 AM


Great poem!  I loved the message.  Your rhyme at the end had quite a good effect, creating a "mystical" feel[to go by those theist philosophers who believe that God can only be experienced, not necessarilly imperically proven] that reverberates at the end.  The only problem I have with this, besides the usual drill of me complaining about you not having any syllable structure and yadda yadda, is that you don't connect your final stanza[highlight of the poem, in my opinion] with the rest of the poem.  You might like to try correcting this by employing more elaborate descriptions of your relationship with Him in the preceeding stanzas.  Something that connects both the natural events and your relationship with God would be mastery, in my opinion.

Great work on the poem, none the less.  Great to see so much hope in God in a forum traditionally dominated by images / metaphors of the darker aspects of teenage living.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

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