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Teen Poetry #4
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Almost a Saint
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Almost a Saint |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia 
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I guess most of you have noticed that I'm back from my long absense. Sorry to have been gone for so long, but I'm back again, and very glad to be back. I missed you all  I wrote this poem while I was gone, and am not very happy with it. I don't know what it is that's not right, it's just that this poem doesn't seem to want to make itself be a good poem. Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated. Enjoy.--------------------------------------------------------- Almost a Saint I was leaning against the wall, drowning in a blue room with plastic chairs and a glossy floor, so shiny I could nearly see my reflection, and a space heater in the corner that didn’t work. Sometimes colors aren’t enough to make a dent in my heart... and sometimes not even a smile, no matter how warm, can melt my ice. You told me to find a new route inside, but I only uncovered new ways to escape, and after three lifetimes of following, I decided to lead... so I left my revelations open on the desk while I took a coffee break from playing God... but when I tried to access my life again, I found the only pieces left were hacked and mangled and broken. I guess breaching the heavens isn’t on your list of priorities anymore. You tried to convince me that white was the color of purity, and I was turning blacker with every second, dying slowly inside and out, but the only thing I had left was what you wanted destroyed-- a plateau of solidity that I could cling to when everything else collapsed. I was leaning against the wall, drowning in a blue room with plastic chairs and a glossy floor, so shiny I could nearly see my reflection-- though I wouldn’t dare look in fear of what would be staring back at me. --Marie "Imagine a pageant... In my head the flesh seems thicker, Sandpaper tears corrode the filth, And I need you now somehow." --Silverchair [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 06-19-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
wow...... |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
WELCOME BACK!!!..  ...as you amaze me again...awesome poem...i loved this piece...wow!!...i enjoyed every verse i was reading...hope to see more..umm SOON! ...hehehe..bye Marie..  im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
 LIKE IT LOTS! I believe this is the first i've read from you...and you've impressed me...terribly...i bumped my knee again...but that's besides the point. WOW! I really like your descriptions in the beginning. Good sense of setting. Thank you for a wonderful read. -Leah I heard a funny quote once...*scratches head* It went like this... |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
ha! YaY! ur back! we all missed u. i like this poem a lot, the twist at the end definetly made it better. ??? why don't u like it??? oh well i guess sometimes we're our harshest critic. thanks for the read, and welcome back marie. -fear- [This message has been edited by fearing-laughter (edited 06-20-2001).] |
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
wow I'm impressed you really are very good its been a long time since ive been to this site but it seems to me that you must have a lot of prctace at this |
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5_sweet_kisses Junior Member
since 2001-04-20
Posts 49 |
*is speechless* um.. all I can say is just WOW!! that was awesome, and I'm glad your back buddy!!  keep up the good workPeeker  |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Hey Fadin, Okay its been like forever and a day and I still haven't got my poem! So I am protesting this is my last reply to your work until I get my poem hehe its sad it had to come to this *shakes his head* oh and JULI oh and where is the end of the collaboration (did I spell that right? oh who cares *shrug*  Until MY poem-- Linc "Blood Moon" |
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ethel lahootie Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143SC, USA |
this was amazing...i loved it. i especially liked the last two lines! very powerful! good job and until ur next...-ethel- |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
WOW, I'm..speachless...WOW |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
....................*cannot speak* haha.....amazing job here!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
wow I don't see how you say that's not a good poem it rocks I love the end of it I mean the total switch in the way things were going kinda rocks. I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Well, it must have made itself a good poem without you noticing. It was amazing! Keep up the great work!! *~*Amanda*~* |
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DarkAngelOfTheStars Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255 |
wow oh my.....great job.....i loved it....its going in my library keep up the good workone morning you wake up afraid you are going to live |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I'm not going to begin my reply with "wow." heh...Well Marie, I've noticed you've been long absent, yes. It's truly affected my own initiative to return to this forum, you know. I've also been away, although I'm going to be risky and say that if you never left, I probably wouldn't have. You are one of the very best poets I have ever known, Marie. Your talent astounds me to the point where my mind is boggled. Everything in this poem is purely written, amazingly and aggressively with such emotion that it makes my heart wilt. Just incredible work here. The way you set the scene, described the circumstance, and then reset the scene with a small conclusion was pure genius. The organization of this poem makes it nothing short of marvelous. I've missed you Marie, and I won't be a stranger to your poetry. Kudos to you, kid. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
That would have to be the best ending written in the entire history of man! This piece has some killer imagery in it. Little descriptions always work so well in long pieces for the simple fact you can picture so much because you're enabled to do most of the dreaming yourself. I love this. Honestly, I do. I know I say that about all your pieces but this is just breathtaking. Be proud, chicka. ~AF~ "Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
This scene set reminds me of a hospital waiting room. Like an admissions part before you go into consult the psych. Sorry, been there one too many times before. The images get a little too clear after a while. Fantastic imagery and I echo all the praises you've received for this already. Well done, Marie. ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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