How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Teen Poetry #4 Archive
 Almost a Saint
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Almost a Saint

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 03-14-2001
Posts 4302
Lynchburg, Virginia


0 posted 06-19-2001 05:31 PM       View Profile for Fading Away   Email Fading Away   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Fading Away

I guess most of you have noticed that I'm back from my long absense.  Sorry to have been gone for so long, but I'm back again, and very glad to be back.  I missed you all   I wrote this poem while I was gone, and am not very happy with it.  I don't know what it is that's not right, it's just that this poem doesn't seem to want to make itself be a good poem.  Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated.  Enjoy.
---------------------------------------------------------
Almost a Saint

I was leaning against the wall,
drowning in a blue room
with plastic chairs and a glossy floor,
so shiny I could nearly see my reflection,
and a space heater in the corner
that didnít work.
Sometimes colors arenít enough
to make a dent in my heart...
and sometimes not even a smile,
no matter how warm,
can melt my ice.
You told me to find a new route inside,
but I only uncovered new ways to escape,
and after three lifetimes of following,
I decided to lead...
so I left my revelations open on the desk
while I took a coffee break from playing God...
but when I tried to access my life again,
I found the only pieces left
were hacked and mangled and broken.
I guess breaching the heavens
isnít on your list of priorities anymore.
You tried to convince me
that white was the color of purity,
and I was turning blacker with every second,
dying slowly inside and out,
but the only thing I had left
was what you wanted destroyed--
a plateau of solidity that I could cling to
when everything else collapsed.
I was leaning against the wall,
drowning in a blue room
with plastic chairs and a glossy floor,
so shiny I could nearly see my reflection--
though I wouldnít dare look
in fear of what would be staring back at me.

--Marie


"Imagine a pageant...
In my head the flesh seems thicker,
Sandpaper tears corrode the filth,
And I need you now somehow." --Silverchair

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 06-19-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


1 posted 06-19-2001 05:48 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

wow......
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 03-23-2001
Posts 4172


2 posted 06-20-2001 12:59 AM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

WELCOME BACK!!!.. ...as you amaze me again...awesome poem...i loved this piece...wow!!...i enjoyed every verse i was reading...hope to see more..umm SOON! ...hehehe..bye Marie..

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

chasing rain
Senior Member
since 05-15-2001
Posts 1281
Canada


3 posted 06-20-2001 01:09 AM       View Profile for chasing rain   Email chasing rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for chasing rain

LIKE IT LOTS! I believe this is the first i've read from you...and you've impressed me...terribly...i bumped my knee again...but that's besides the point. WOW! I really like your descriptions in the beginning. Good sense of setting. Thank you for a wonderful read.  

-Leah

I heard a funny quote once...*scratches head* It went like this...
So, this guy walks into a bar...OW!!! :)

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 04-24-2001
Posts 647
land of cheese (Wisconsin)


4 posted 06-20-2001 01:20 AM       View Profile for fearing-laughter   Email fearing-laughter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fearing-laughter

ha! YaY! ur back! we all missed u.  i like this poem a lot, the twist at the end definetly made it better.  ??? why don't u like it??? oh well i guess sometimes we're our harshest critic.  thanks for the read, and welcome back marie.
-fear-

[This message has been edited by fearing-laughter (edited 06-20-2001).]

Jose Marti
Member
since 07-01-2000
Posts 376
washing DC


5 posted 06-20-2001 01:29 AM       View Profile for Jose Marti   Email Jose Marti   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jose Marti

wow I'm impressed
you really are very good
its been a long time since ive been to this site
but it seems to me that you
must have a lot of prctace at this
5_sweet_kisses
Member
since 04-20-2001
Posts 52


6 posted 06-20-2001 02:22 AM       View Profile for 5_sweet_kisses   Email 5_sweet_kisses   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for 5_sweet_kisses

*is speechless* um.. all I can say is just WOW!! that was awesome, and I'm glad your back buddy!!   keep up the good work

Peeker
Linc
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 03-07-2001
Posts 705
The Backstreet Boy


7 posted 06-20-2001 08:53 AM       View Profile for Linc   Email Linc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Linc

Hey Fadin,

     Okay its been like forever and a day and I still haven't got my poem! So I am protesting this is my last reply to your work until I get my poem   hehe its sad it had to come to this *shakes his head* oh and JULI oh and where is the end of the collaboration (did I spell that right? oh who cares *shrug*   Until MY poem

      -- Linc

       "Blood Moon"
   Host: Lark.crodo.com
         Port:1313

ethel lahootie
Member
since 03-06-2001
Posts 145
SC, USA


8 posted 06-21-2001 10:14 PM       View Profile for ethel lahootie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ethel lahootie

this was amazing...i loved it. i especially liked the last two lines! very powerful! good job and until ur next...
-ethel-
AngelPoet87
Member
since 04-21-2001
Posts 418
Indy


9 posted 06-21-2001 10:20 PM       View Profile for AngelPoet87   Email AngelPoet87   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AngelPoet87

WOW, I'm..speachless...WOW
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Laureate
since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


10 posted 06-22-2001 05:21 AM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

....................*cannot speak*

haha.....amazing job here!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

the_rescue
Member
since 05-23-2001
Posts 322
Japan


11 posted 06-22-2001 09:35 AM       View Profile for the_rescue   Email the_rescue   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for the_rescue

wow I don't see how you say that's not a good poem it rocks I love the end of it I mean the total switch in the way things were going kinda rocks.

I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say

Heavens Tears
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 03-15-2001
Posts 832


12 posted 06-22-2001 11:59 AM       View Profile for Heavens Tears   Email Heavens Tears   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Heavens Tears

Well, it must have made itself a good poem without you noticing.  It was amazing!  Keep up the great work!!

*~*Amanda*~*

My tears roll right down my cheeks, but they all soak into my pillow.††I feel kinda sorry for it...

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Senior Member
since 04-21-2001
Posts 804


13 posted 06-22-2001 12:22 PM       View Profile for DarkAngelOfTheStars   Email DarkAngelOfTheStars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DarkAngelOfTheStars

wow oh my.....great job.....i loved it....its going in my library    keep up the good work

one morning you wake up afraid you are going to live

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-04-2001
Posts 4212
Winnipeg


14 posted 06-22-2001 03:45 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

I'm not going to begin my reply with "wow."     heh...
Well Marie, I've noticed you've been long absent, yes.  It's truly affected my own initiative to return to this forum, you know.  I've also been away, although I'm going to be risky and say that if you never left, I probably wouldn't have.
You are one of the very best poets I have ever known, Marie.  Your talent astounds me to the point where my mind is boggled.  Everything in this poem is purely written, amazingly and aggressively with such emotion that it makes my heart wilt.  Just incredible work here.  
The way you set the scene, described the circumstance, and then reset the scene with a small conclusion was pure genius.  The organization of this poem makes it nothing short of marvelous.
I've missed you Marie, and I won't be a stranger to your poetry.
Kudos to you, kid.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.††Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.††
~Unknown

anonymousfemale
Member Ascendant
since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


15 posted 12-11-2001 11:47 AM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

That would have to be the best ending written in the entire history of man!
This piece has some killer imagery in it. Little descriptions always work so well in long pieces for the simple fact you can picture so much because you're enabled to do most of the dreaming yourself.

I love this. Honestly, I do. I know I say that about all your pieces but this is just breathtaking. Be proud, chicka.  

~AF~

"Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier

paper doll
Member
since 08-04-2002
Posts 138
Floating on Uncertainty


16 posted 09-02-2002 09:12 AM       View Profile for paper doll   Email paper doll   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for paper doll

This scene set reminds me of a hospital waiting room. Like an admissions part before you go into consult the psych. Sorry, been there one too many times before. The images get a little too clear after a while.

Fantastic imagery and I echo all the praises you've received for this already.

Well done, Marie.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

Fading Away will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Teen Poetry #4 >> Almost a Saint Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors