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Teen Poetry #4
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WHiTePoNY
Junior Member
since 2001-06-17
Posts 13
South London. UK

0 posted 2001-06-17 05:11 PM


I SNEEK UP ON THE MISTRESS
WAITING FOR THE KISS
I KNOW I REALLY SUCK AT THIS
BUT WHEN WE DID IT WAS TRUE BLISS
ALL MY DOUBTS WERE DISMISSED

WE HAVE A LOVE LIKE NO OTHER
UNLIKE THAT FOR MY SEXY BROTHER?
I WILL TAKE HER TO BE MY LOVER
FOREVER AND EVER I WILL ADORE HER

"Push back the square
Now that you need her but you don't
So there you go!
Cause back in school
We are the leaders of it all" - DEFTONES

© Copyright 2001 Daniel - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-06-17 09:13 PM


I like this one. Very out there kind of style. Welcome to passions and I enjoyed your poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Jenn Cirrincione
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Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
2 posted 2001-06-17 10:17 PM


Very unique. Cute one here!!

Jenn

"If my heart had wings, I would fly to you and lie.. beside you as you dream, if my heart had wings." Faith Hill

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
3 posted 2001-06-18 04:40 AM


hmmm...interesting (in a good way) this poem was pretty kool :-) welcome to passions, hope to read lots and lots more from ya.  laterz
-fear-

Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681
Lurking
4 posted 2001-06-18 09:26 AM


Good work it is very different but I liked it a lot.
Zu

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
5 posted 2001-06-18 11:20 AM


this was awesome.....its very not the norm....its great to read poems like that
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

6 posted 2001-06-18 02:41 PM


i liked that it was your own sylte...great job!...i enjoyed this a lot ...bye

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
7 posted 2001-06-19 01:39 AM


This was a pretty good poem.  Just a suggestion... next time, try not to use all caps in your poem.  It makes the reader feel like they're being yelled at, and it's hard to read.  I enjoyed the poem.  Nice work.

--Marie

"Imagine a pageant...
In my head the flesh seems thicker,
Sandpaper tears corrode the filth,
And I need you now somehow." --Silverchair

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