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Teen Poetry #4
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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC 
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This is a piece of crap. It just popped in my head. Had to write it down. Sorry for such low quality work. I’m trapped Helpless, lifeless, out of control Deprived of life Killing my soul I’m dead Dead in my mind, killed from inside Deprived of life Stripped of all my pride I’m lost Lost hope, lost cause, lost the will to live Turn your anger towards me Never take, always give I’m empty Empty in my heart, empty inside Just a shell of a man Can’t escape, instead I hide I’m done Done trying, living just waiting to die Praying to return home Exhale 1 last time, goodbye PS – This is not about suicide, just a little depressed. Don’t take it off because it sounds suicidal, if anything take it off because it’s horrible "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jon - All Rights Reserved | |||
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
piece of...what?...nah man...this was great!...the emotions hit me hard...i related to it...hope to see more  ...bye Jon  im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you? |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
I think it sounds sad....and yeah..a bit depressed....I hope you are ok....it was a great expression of your feelings...I think you did a good job with this. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is a great way of showing your inner emotions. Hope things get better for ya. hi Sweets, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Maree, Mic |
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
that wasn't crap it was a really good poem in the silence of the night I hear angels voices singing your name oh how beautiful is your name as they sing over and over. (SPOKEN) |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Crap? What crap? I fail to see it.... *shrugs* By calling this crap, we would have to call you innermost feelings and emotions crap, and they are not. Therefore by inductive/deductive whatever reasoning....it is not crap. And if it's not... it must be good!! YAY Okies..sorry bouts that. LOL I thought this was really emotional, and very impacting. I hope you feel better soon. Jenn "If my heart had wings, I would fly to you and lie.. beside you as you dream, if my heart had wings." Faith Hill |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I liked how your emotions hopped from one feeling to another...that added a nice effect. I liked this poem although it was very sad...sometimes i think the sad ones express the feelings the best. Nice job |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Jon, not your best but still very good. all the best to u bud. Regina |
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angel_2401 Member
since 2001-06-12
Posts 131Cincinnati, OH |
Very emotional. Keep it up. Like they said, I don't see how it's crap. Keep writing!  I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem. |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
I like this poem! you hsouldn't be trashing it like that. I really like this..and Ihope the depression goes away soon     I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem. |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Great work as usual Jon, I really like your work an I'm glad to see more of it round here Zu |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Well, thank you Zu. And I enjoy yours. I am finally able to post more now that schools out. It is great to be back into it.Thanks for all the replies Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I didn't think it was horrible. If anything is was just sad and depressing. I liked it a lot....very powerful emotions here.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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