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Evylyn
Junior Member
since 2001-06-04
Posts 20
Florida, USA

0 posted 2001-06-08 01:13 PM


Eeek!!  Where did this come from??  Okay, well...anyways, here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His eyes are deep as the ocean
His hair as gold as the grain
His lips as soft as rose pedals
His voice as gentle as rain.

We met one dreary night
Our fates weren’t for certain
In a land that’s now long lost
One that the Gods had pulled the curtain.

My mind was far too young
And I suppose it now still is
Sitting in this array of life
Hoping this is not where it ends.

Mommy, why does he look at me?
Mommy, why does he cry?
Mommy, why does he say these things
To which I cannot reply?

His ways confused me much
Even scared me; I must say
But the words I knew were true
For he said them in that way.

“Don’t you dare trust strangers!”
But he was no stranger to me
I knew him in my heart
And held that sacred to me.

I trust my life to him
Him and no other man
For with him I feel his touch
Long after he has gone again.

Friend, why do I look at him?
Friend, why do I cry?
Friend, why does my heart break
Everytime we say goodbye?

I didn’t know my limits
And I guess neither did he
So, we went alone together
To a quiet reverie.

What happened then was magickal
The passion that filled the air
That was the only time
I said things without any care.

I love him without question
It’s simple, but it’s true
And I’ll never tire of hearing from him
Those words, “I love you.”


"The only thing that boggles the mind is the mind itself."

© Copyright 2001 Aurora Brightwater - All Rights Reserved
DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255

1 posted 2001-06-08 01:45 PM


aww so sweet i loved it  

Dont knock on deaths door ...... ring the bell and run......he hates that

the_rescue
Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316
Japan
2 posted 2001-06-08 01:55 PM


sniff sniff, awww that was so sweet and it flowed really well and such good write.

The Rescue

in the silence of the night I hear angels voices singing your name oh how beautiful is your name as they sing over and over.  (SPOKEN)

broken wing
Junior Member
since 2001-04-30
Posts 37

3 posted 2001-06-08 02:19 PM


i liked this very much.

Now, dear children, pay attention
I am the voice from the pillow
I sing until the day awakes
A bright light on the heavens



[This message has been edited by broken wing (edited 06-08-2001).]

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
4 posted 2001-06-08 02:26 PM


oooOOOooo evy! i loved this!!!! im glad ur postin in here too i thought this was great...heh at first i thought it was gonna be about Droghan and the pool partAy last nite. heh *innocent*     newayz...i liked it alot. twas very sweetish.  it read almost like a song to me....but thats just me, plus im at music street with droghan lol so that could be it too....cant wait to read mores of ur work!!!! heh ooc partAy tonite...same time same place..all invited:P heh *hugs*
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

Where are you when i need you....?

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-06-08 05:01 PM


nice and sweet...great job...i enjoyed the read ...bye Aurora

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-06-09 07:16 PM


I thought this was lovely. I liked it a lot. You didn't hold back in this and expressed yourself greatly.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
7 posted 2001-06-09 07:19 PM


This was very good. The imagery and feeling were quiet powerful.

Regina

quietlydying
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz
8 posted 2001-06-10 02:33 AM


*cough cough*

you honestly want critiques?

umm, well.

- jen

LoneWolf
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384
IL
9 posted 2001-06-10 02:40 AM


this was great. I loved it.

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

holatuwol
Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72
California, USA
10 posted 2001-06-10 02:57 AM


First off, since you already know how much I like it because of the minor early reference to oceans (water!) and the rain (rainfall!), and the word reverie (I love that word!), I figure that maybe I should start out saying that I really liked this poem, and that wherever it did come from, give me a map with that spot marked and I'll be attacking that place and borrowing the muses that live there. ^_^  Just for a day... promise.

Overall, the poem was really nice... I thought that eventhough it had no meter, it read amazingly well. ^_^  Gorgeous, to say the least... my major problem was that the ending didn't fit. x_X  I didn't like the last stanza in the least... it just didn't seem to be as wistful or as carefree or as curious as the entire poem that preceded it.

Overall, since you don't know where it came from, the ending's probably going to wind up being the weakest anyway. ^^;  It wasn't that bad of an ending... but it just didn't seem to fit what you had before. ^_^  But, it didn't ruin the poem... I still love it to pieces, and especially for the three things noted above. ^_^

Keep on writing Evylyn, and whatever you do wind up writing, make sure that we get to see a copy, eh? ^_^  No destroying works before we get to see it! ^_^v  Take cares, and until your next poem... bye!


- holatuwol

stace_co2003
Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497
In a dream world
11 posted 2001-06-10 03:10 PM


I really like this poem. and yes I know I really want to!!  

but I loved the flow, and I loved the oem itself. and I liked the ending too  

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
12 posted 2001-06-11 11:25 PM


Beautoful imagery!!! Such a sweet poem...Nice job here..keep em comin!
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