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Teen Poetry #4
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holatuwol
Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72
California, USA

0 posted 2001-06-05 02:25 AM


Another older work... I'd post something that I wrote that's actually new, but I figure that since I dislike most of my new work and I'm still working on the bugs of it, maybe you'd all enjoy an older work that you might not have read before. ^_^  Another long one... be wary, eh?  *points to the scrollbar*


- holatuwol

***********

Without You
April 23, 2001


Dreamers there are many in this world,
Wishes... perhaps even more than dreams.
And people discover with each passing moment
That perhaps things are more wonderful than it often seems.

I am among those people with that sort of discovery,
Learning, with each day, that there's something new.
Believing, for some unknown, bliss-filled reason
That the dreams I have within me might one day come true.

Each day passes by quietly, serenely... mutedly.
And I just wander onward, oblivious to all around me...
Believing in a dream which seems not so far away,
A dream I could make come true... to turn to reality.

This dream is one which all people dare to dream,
Dreams of love, of happiness beyond all else to which you could compare...
Which empowers them with a strength beyond all strength,
Make you forget all of your worries... to live your life without a care.

Oh Bliss!  This wondrous feeling surrounds me...
And I wish that this mysterious strength would forever last.
I would give up everything if I could hold this feeling now...
To know only happiness... and to that happiness, holding fast.

This dream, this wish, seems oh so very close right now,
As I know you're near... right next to me... by my side.
Every thought I could think of, every problem that arises,
I live with the belief that you love me... and those things, in you, I can confide.

But as all beautiful things that exist in this world,
There must be something else which one cannot really see...
Because there exists such a thing as a foolish dreamer,
And among that magnificent crowd lies the lonely, forlorn shadow of me.

I ask you a question, and you avoid it forever...
Never fully answering the ideals that have plagued my heart.
Dragged on by string, by some mysterious lure,
That you really love me... though you never did, not now... nor from the very start.

Do you know how much it hurts
To know you're there... yet not truly there, heart and soul?
Do you know how incomplete it feels,
To have someone hold you close... but leaving you empty, unwhole?

Am I some pawn that you use in your games?
Is there a greater goal, that through me, you seek to achieve?
And if not, you give me no evidence of anything to the contrary...
You took away all my trust long ago... took away all the reasons I could believe.

How can I stand upright, when I've been drunken on false love?
You can't expect me to walk straight... it is amazing I even stagger!
After all, you tore open my chest, and ripped open my heart,
Slicing it in half with a beloved, cherished dagger...

And you made me less than I once used to be,
Took away everything that I knew... just to make it yours.
And then you give me fake promises of love and life and wonderment...
And secretly you seal me in a prison... without windows, without doors.

And you reduce me to your little plaything,
Where you say you love me... but refuse to be mine.
...And you frighten me with the idea that you'll strike me...
If you truly wish to hate me... come and do it.  No?  Fine!

Why is it that I'm so frightened of this incompleteness?
When you're in love... is it necessary that you feel complete?
Is it necessary that you always feel warm instead of cold
When embraced by another, lost in passion, lost in heat?

You have taught me that it isn't necessary to believe
Because it's just a fantasy, never meant to come true.
After all, it was something, stemming from a most untrustworthy source...
Something from your lips... I should never believe something from you.

I don't really know all that much about this "love" business...
I'm so new to this reality which has been so long been a wish.
Search my heart and my soul for a reason to enjoy my agony
And you find yourself a fisherman... fishing in a lake without fish.

I have no more reasons left for now
To believe that this reality... is actually, truly, real.
Because happiness and warmth is not among my joys,
This love, this friendship... does not give to me a comforting feel.

What is left for me here if I should, by your side, remain?
Why should I stay around, if all there is is pain?
Why do I say nothing, all the meanwhile...
Avoid utterances of discontent, avoid the unquenchable urge to complain?

Why do I pretend that maybe I'm just imagining things
When the only thing that binds me is that you haven't rejected me flat?
Why do I shed tears for someone like you,
When it is written in the stars that my tears are worth more than that?

I think about what might have happened,
If you had never been there yesterday, weren't today, won't be tomorrow...
And with that thought I discover that, if I had existed without a "you,"
I would never have known tears... true pain, true heartache, true sorrow.


© Copyright 2001 MinhChau Dang - All Rights Reserved
knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
1 posted 2001-06-05 02:46 AM


Minhchau .....bleah! i dont even know what to say for this one. *thinks* this brougt tears to my eyes. compared to the other one you just gave me to read...the contrast of the feelings....is just like wow. my head is spinning. theres so much pain in this one. first ive read of heartbreak from you. all i know is that i love this. and yea yea you say i love all poetry but bleah! to you cuz i might like it all...but urs are amazingly well written and thought out. the language in your works is just fantastic.....i love the flows....the rhymes schemes....i love everything about what ive seen of your work. i will bug you alot more now to let me see your stuffs just so ya know:P but to the library this goes..because its wonderful
*hugs* love ya muchs Mc!
i rambled i know....sorry:P
tiff


“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

Where are you when i need you....?

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 06-05-2001).]

LoneWolf
Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 384
IL
2 posted 2001-06-05 12:56 PM


OH, WOW, heres another wonderful poem. i absolutly loved this one as well. It's also going in to the library next to your other one. awesome job, i loved it, i could relate this as well. I hope to see more of your work.

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
3 posted 2001-06-05 01:53 PM


"Believing, for some unknown, bliss-filled reason
That the dreams I have within me might one day come true. "

hold onto this.......hold on tight.....amazing poem   ~SEA

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-06-05 04:29 PM


wow!...this poem was amazing...i love the feeling your poems give me...something hard to recieve...your expression is awesome...and the way you write it full...i loved this piece...thansk for sharing...bye MinhChau

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2001-06-06 12:39 PM


I really like what you're saying throughout the whole poem. I love how you begin with say that there are so many dreamers in this world, but we really WISH rather than dream. In a sense I guess dreaming is simply the THOUGHT of something great, but wishing is THE WANTING of that certain something great to happen.
Something new does come every day and I love the realization within the poem that states that because it's so true.
I also love the fact that you are believing without seeing. Some sort of FAITH we can say....the same faith that drives people to accomplish their goals because they feel they can do it, and here you feel it in the sense that this dream might happen one day.

All of a sudden within the poem it turns into it relating with another person. So there's somebody else in this poem that could contribute to this dream, this wish.

But wait! She seems to cause you to feel as if you're a foolish dreamer. I feel you're experiencing some sort of Unrequited Love and the fact that you Wish or dream she loved you back is foolish. And Personally I feel that what this poem is about you dreaming/wishing for her to love you.

Funny how this poem changes ideas. First it was you talking about DREAMERS, and how dreams seem to be more like wishes and how happiness comes everyday along with the fact that there's something new, but then it's about this girl who doesn't love you and rips out your heart as you continue to love her.
(just to let you know I'm writing my reply while reading it)
I have a new conclusion.....the dream is not the girl and you wanting to love her.....it's LOVE itself!
Or both at that throughout the poem....but yea love seems to be a main theme within this poem.
I finished the poem and I see the ending ends so sadly. That without this woman you would have never known sorrow and such...but think.....without this woman you would have never known desire, or love (if it truly was love), and that's something to be thankful for because you matured with that.

Well done on the poem. It wasn't as good as your other one, but it was a wonderful read. I liked it a lot. Beautiful job on it.
Hope to see more!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Child of the Stars
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
6 posted 2001-06-06 11:48 AM


Yeah MC.....yeah you rock. What else is there to note? The poem was incredible...go MC go MC................
  
~Carly

"Go outside and use your own eyes. You'll be surprised to see things you've never been taught..."
   ~Edouard Manet

Evylyn
Junior Member
since 2001-06-04
Posts 20
Florida, USA
7 posted 2001-06-06 12:38 PM


Oh, Minhchau!  *Sighs*  What can I say that has not been already said?  "Lovely poem"?  Ahh..I'm sure someone's remarked it in such a manner.  

Your writing causes me to think that perhaps all poets are dreamers.  If they are that, then there is much hope for the world.  *Smiles*  Dreamers eventually go on to achieve their dreams.

Anyways, *nods* very heartfelt poem.  Though, the saddness and heartbreak truly strike a deep cord in me.  Wonderful is simply too undefined of a word!  *Sighs*  They say English has the largest vocabulary out of the world's languages.  I say we need more, gosh darnit!!  *Smiles*

"The only thing that boggles the mind is the mind itself."

xShUgArHiGhx
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Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
8 posted 2001-06-06 12:51 PM


A couple of poems along with this one have left me speechless today!!! This was absolutely...positively amazing! I dont even know what to say   AMAZING!!
DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255

9 posted 2001-06-06 01:23 PM


....WOW....       you are such an amazing writer!!

Dont knock on deaths door ...... ring the bell and run......he hates that

cherish
Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........
10 posted 2001-06-07 01:47 AM


aww..ok i gotta tell you what i did mc..i saw one of your poems up yesterday...but i was busy yesterday and so what i did was just go to this poem and print it out..i wanted to read it just before i went to bed..and let me tell you you are a great poet...it was one of the best poems i had read all day..thank you for being the last thought that flew through my head before i went to bed..
i loved the transition made within the poem from being one where you speculate and think /evaluate what "dreaming" means to you and the wishing of a wish is good enough as just having that wish..i loved the points you brought up about it too..and then the poem going on to be about how you feel complete having this other person with you...and the feelings you have when she is near..to how much it hurts you knowing that although you are in love with sumbody they dont love you back..( a situation i know all TOO well )..to finally realising that the love that you two share isnt as honest as it seems..to finally being thankful for the "love" you had as you have learnt what heart ache and pain and sorrow really felt like...
you're a great poet/story teller..and i liked how the feelings unfolded as we found out more and more about how you really felt about dreaming and love and this other person..it was confusing sumwhat when i first read it as i wasnt aware of the change and shift of ideas throughout...it started out as one thing but ended up being another...but in retrospect i have come to believe that that is what you meant to do all along..where the reader discovers the personas feelings as the persona discovers them...and the little revelations are concluded at the end along with the reader..( does that make any sense? )
i love the way you wrote this..the register you used and the tone changes were great...i loved the fact that the poem could be read like a conversation..i didnt realise it was a rhyming poem until i looked at it later...good stuff mc
yes well you desreve a pat on the back..i enjoyed this poem very very very much...i agree with dopes..i enjoyed the other one just a tad bit more then this one but i must say...this is still awesome!!..AGPFAGP!!!!!



"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
11 posted 2001-06-10 02:47 PM


*bumps..then hides from Mc*

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

Where are you when i need you....?

holatuwol
Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72
California, USA
12 posted 2001-06-14 04:24 AM


Yay!  My poem got bumped...?  *blinks slowly*  Thanks, Tifferz, hehehe.  Certainly makes it easier to find to reply to and everything. ^_^  Thanks again for all of the replies... I really appreciate everyone taking the time to read the poem, despite its length, and those who replied, too... just because you're all cool like that. ^_^v

And what better way to properly thank then to read you all this wonderful speech that I've prepared over the last week... it's only 500 pages long, single spaced typed in 8pt Arial font with quarter-inch margins all the way around, legal paper... and I think it's quite a tear-extractor, if I do say so myself...

*watches everyone run away screaming in terror*

... *sweatdrop*  Okay, so no speech then.  *watches people cautiously creep back into the thread*  Umm... so what to do instead since I've already started replying?  hehehe  How about a reply to all of the replies? ^_^v  I think that definitely works, to some extent... so, here we go, eh? ^_~

----------------------------------------

knightlyshadows: I managed to make Tifferz speechless?  *boggle*  Yeah!  Go me!  hehehe  Serves you right for getting me to post another poem... *raspberries*  Although, yeah, you're right... there's a lot of heartache in this poem. ^_^  Although, it is pretty obvious... ^_~  Thanks for reading this one, too.  Really appreciate it.

LoneWolf: Thanks to the reply to the other one and this one. ^_^  hehehe  Glad you liked it... although, pending on your interpretation, whether or not you could relate to it might be a good or bad thing.  The heartache interpretation's kinda bad... hope you feel okay, eventhough the poem related to it. ^_^  I find heartache poems painful to read if you can relate... hope whatever was wrong is better now. ^_^v

SEA:  SEA replied to one of MY poems!  She did!  *cheers*  That's like... such an honor!  *tackles SEA*  This is so cool!  hehehe  And you liked two lines out of the poem, too... hehehe ^_^  *grabs someone else and points to SEA*  Can you believe that SEA replied to one of my poems!?  This is beyond unreal!  hehehe  I really love your work, SEA, and glad you liked this particular one of mine. ^_^  Until next time!  hehe

anonymous albert: Glad you enjoyed this piece! hehe  'Tis cool when someone reads your work and tells you that they really like it. ^_^  It's a hundredfold better than the feeling of enjoying a poem, yes?  *beams*  hehehe  Thanks for the reply!

Dopey_Dope: Wo.w... this is the first time anyone's tried to analyse one of my poems. ^^;  And I have to say that this was a really fun read to see how someone else viewed the way the poem was written and what it was about. ^_^  It was so fun to read... hehehe  I really appreciate the input and shtuff and I enjoyed reading the reply... thanks a lot! ^_^

Child of the Stars: Thanks for the comment, Carly. ^_^  hehehe  And thanks for the PMs, too... I probably won't stop writing, although, I usually write in surges... ^^  So nice long periods of time where I don't write a thing at all... ^^;  hehehe  And, you rock too, ne?  *hugs*  Or you can paper if you want...

Evylyn: Whoo hoo!  Evylyn replied to one of my poems!  And you know who I am! ^^ Sugoi ne!  *hugs*  Thanks for replying to the poem, and I hope you're enjoying your stay here at Passions.  And Tifferz is responsible for getting you to post here too, eh? ^_~  hehehe  Enjoy your stay and happy reading!

xShUgArHiGhx and DarkAngelOfTheStars: hehe  Based on both of your replies, it looks like you two were rendered speechless or something. ^_^  Thanks for your input, and I'll be sure to remember that the word 'amazing' was associated with this poem. ^_~  hehe  Until next time, eh?

cherish: hehe  Thank you for your thoughts on the poem, too... having someone else's reading is always a pleasure. ^_^v  And AGPFAGP means... uh... *blinks slowly*  I'm guessing "A Great Poem From A Great Poet"?  ^^;  Never seen that term before... hehehe ^^;  But that's my first guess.  And the rhyming scheme wasn't noticed!  *cheers*  I *love* it when I make the rhymes disappear.   *beams*

----------------------------------------

And that would be it for all of the replies I've got... you know, I still have that speech, if any of you are still interested in reading... I mean, come on, I've only barely gotten started in this reply!  *ahem*  Thank you, people of Passions in...

*gets repeatedly whapped with a paper fan and the speech is thrown into a bonfire*

NO!!!! *weeps* ... Okay, FINE THEN!  I won't read my speech... sheesh... you guys didn't have to go ahead and burn it like that.  But please be aware that you will all get a friendly email containing a beautiful transcription of said spee...

*hackers at Passions break into his mailbox and change his password*  Eh...? *snickering is heard and the hackers go back and change the password back to normal*

Ee... I'll be sure to keep that in mind... no speech, eh?  *hackers nod*  Okie... FINE THEN!  Anyways, this is holatuwol, finally ending this reply. ^_~  Until next time!


- holatuwol

[This message has been edited by holatuwol (edited 06-14-2001).]

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