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mistic
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 233
Idaho, U.S.A.

0 posted 2001-06-02 08:58 PM

Pain takes over
Sending you into a dark abyss
Never to fully return agian.
Thoughts carelessy tossed aside
As if they never mattered in the first place
Or perhaps I never really did.
No one sees,
Or even bothers to take notice,
That I'm dying inside
With every tear that falls down my masked face.
Scars lashed into my heart by your selfish words.
I scream in pain and anger
But no one hears my cry
For I do not matter anymore.
I'm not noticed for what I do, or even who I am,
People see me,
But then again they really don't see me at all.
I'm just a toy soldier
Taking on the battles I'm set to play out,
With nothing getting personal.
So here I'll stand,
Playing out my battles,
Until my service is no longer needed.

Deranger
Member

since 2000-05-10

Posts 498
Somewhere, between here and there

1 posted 2001-06-03 12:08 PM

I really like the idea behind this. It really pushes the feeling of abuse and haphazard discard. Though, i think you could have polished the metalicy of it, maybe force the reader to come to grips with the fact that the toy soldier isn't some automated device. blah blah...ok, i'm done.

Spreading insanity, one post at a time

My skull has glowing green eyes!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-06-03 04:05 PM

I liked this one.....well done mistic.
I hope to see more from you!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

3 posted 2001-06-08 10:03 PM

I really like this poem, and I really wonder why so few have replied to it!

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-06-08 10:08 PM

you wrote this very well...very creative topic

...great job!...bye Stephanie

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-06-11 04:16 PM

Mistic --- You should look at the good sides of life. I know it's gonna be hard, but believe me, it's worth it. Hope things get better for you. Keep sharing.

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Maree, Mic

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