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Junior Member

since 2001-05-17

Posts 18
Lost in my own world

0 posted 2001-05-31 08:51 AM

Heartache

Broken heart
Broken wings
Broken love
Broken dreams

Crying heart
Crying hurt
Crying pain
Crying tears

Empty heart
Empty smile
Empty life
Empty world

One word
One feeling
One description
Heartache

**One of the most adventurous things left for us is to go to sleep. For no one can lay a hand on our dreams.**

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

1 posted 2001-05-31 08:54 AM

wow, I hope everything is alright with you.

I like the repitition in this poem. and the overall flow is good.

Stace

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-05-31 12:28 PM

This was so sad. I hope all is well with you. I liked this one a lot though. The way you described it all was so sad and well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-05-31 05:13 PM

sad and you expressed it well thru this poem...great job as i wish you the best

...bye

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-06-01 11:57 AM

The title spoiled the ending, to be honest. I think you should make that more of a mystery, retitle this into something like "One word," but less obvious than that... you know?
Without the title this would have a better impact, in my humble opinion.