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Godsend_1
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 247
great state of illinois

0 posted 2001-05-30 11:54 AM

revert, reform, return
back to the old ways
hating and mocking you all
defending myself the only way i know how

you say you dont like who i am
well 'bite me your a fool'
back to the once dead i travel
back to the old ways

i build up an impenitrible wall
it may look ugly
but its there for survival
not beauty

i cower in a corner inside
and stab you in the heart on the outside
i am reverting to what i used to be
the man that hated you all cuz you hated me

i didnt like me back then
and i know i wont like me now
but i need to survive the terror in life
and this is the only way i know how

i put on full armor
and double it over my heart
and super protect my mind
i wont let you destroy me not again

i feel so burdened
everyday building this wall
forging ahead even though i dont want to
and some may ask why not let the wall crumble

the people that ask that question never knew
the pain of having a heart ripped out
and torn in two, beaten with a bat
and thrown to the dogs for them to chew

they never knew the pain
of having everything you love run away
to turn back and kick you in the soul
and laugh at you till you are dead

they never knew the pain
of what i feel inside
the never ending torment
of a scared little boy

so i build up my wall
even though i will always know
that these wounds will not heal
they will just fester and knaw at my soul

so i shall revert to the old me
reform myself into a wall of anger
and return to the dark days
of never ending pain

revert, reform, return
to death and pain
and enjoy yourself again
like you did the time before

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be..so deal with it
if i am nothing else i am ME

[This message has been edited by Godsend_1 (edited 05-30-2001).]

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

1 posted 2001-05-30 12:18 PM

I like the poem....but it's really sad...
so much anger, so much pain, I know where you're coming from there.
best thing to do is keep your chin up and keep on smilin'. I know I say this alot, but hey, if you smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking!!

*hugs*
Stace

I'm just glad that now this rainstorm has ended, and I can see the rainbow once again.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2001-05-30 03:56 PM

"i build up an impenitrible wall
it may look ugly
but its there for survival
not beauty"

I liked this part best.....and understood it best.....and yeah,felt it too .....very emotional....great writing

SEA

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-05-30 07:26 PM

very emotional poem...sad yet written quite powerful...great job ben

...hope thing are better

i'm addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

4 posted 2001-05-30 11:19 PM

wow, very emotional poem. i liked it alot. i can really relate to what you said in this. good job and this one is going to my library

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

5 posted 2001-05-30 11:23 PM

great job on this one..you told your emotions well ...i loved it..but its so sad...ihope things get better...

HeAvEnS AnGeL
Member

since 2001-05-17

Posts 168
The Hot Girl From Canada

6 posted 2001-05-31 12:53 PM

beautiful poem. You are a godsend!
love yah babes!

Don't judge a person untill you have walked a mile in their shoes, this way your a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-05-31 02:40 AM

I enjoyed this one Ben. Very well done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

8 posted 2001-06-04 03:24 PM

Wow i really enjoyed this poem and you could feel the pain and the emotion you put into this...dont let them win hun although i know exactly what your going through. Its easier to go back to your old ways and its so hard staying strong but try not to let them overcome ok??

::hugs::

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

9 posted 2001-06-05 05:19 PM

I'll agree that the ending is the most powerful part.
You had a lot of raw, unfiltered emotion in here.  Very, very powerful.
This poem is good because the title line adds a sort of organizational sense to the entire process outlined in the poem.
I like this poem, Ben.

Great work.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dr. Jo-Bizz
Member

since 2001-06-06

Posts 97

10 posted 2001-06-06 01:59 AM

awwww... my poor ben!! *hugs ben* you are such a talented writer. but your poetry makes me sad.

dr. jo-bizz

But His word was in my heart
like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding back,
And I could not.

the_rescue
Member

since 2001-05-23

Posts 316
Japan

11 posted 2001-06-06 11:04 AM

wow what a powerful poem I loved the emotion and feeling behind it keep writing and chin up "tomorrow's the last day of trouble you know cause today is the first day of light"
Smiley Kids

in the silence of the night I hear angels voices singing your name oh how beautiful is your name as they sing over and over. (SPOKEN)

never_a_princess
Member

since 2001-06-09

Posts 82
Show Me the Money

12 posted 2001-06-12 10:03 PM

Mr. Bennerz~
I really liked the "r, r, r" theme thing! "back to the old ways"..the repetition of that phrase makes the poem flow. "I didn't like me back then, and I know I won't like me now, but I need to survive the terror of life"-->*liked that*..especially the "terror of life" part.."..and double it over my heart"-->talking about your "armor" I like that cuz it shows you don't wanna be left heart-beoken..again. I liked how you used "they never knew the pain" to begin two of your stanzas. Also, "the never-ending torment of a scared little boy" is a very touch phrase. it brings a picture to my mind of a young boy cowering in the corner of his section of the world he calls "home." Well, I really liked this poem *sniff* sad but hey! some of the best masterpieces have been tragedies..take "romeo and juliet," for example...*hugz you*
~Anna *waves*

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