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Teen Poetry #4
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Deranger
Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498
Somewhere, between here and there

0 posted 2001-05-26 07:41 PM


This is a real life occurence, modified under the compartments of my artistic license...It was set in motion by Poet on Acid's post here and here

As violence equates violence, I’ll see to a complete voidance-
Of your life! I dare anyone to try and deny me this!
Such a pretty face—hurt looks so out of place
Sacrilege, to scar this angel’s heart; break hers, and I’ll break you
Pretty pink face, now all black and blue,
Yeah, he’s hittin’ her--he must love her too-
It’s only ‘cause he loves her too,

I don’t really love her—My God, what has made me, become so evil?
Principle save me, I can still kill him on that; attach her pain to mine
It refocused to blind, my reason; what good is thought, in this season
Of humanity’s – inanity, fraternity of the Devil and me-
And we bond so naturally; the knife feels so right…
In his last gurglings, he promises never to hit her again-
My new friend, the Devil, agrees – as we, drink his blood
And feast on his blackened soul, he fills this hole – in mine

As I wake, all smeared in blood—the Devil abandoned me
I hear the sirens; the knights of justice, are riding for me
I contemplate this irony, as their bullets tear through me;
Have they gotten the villain this time? Is society just this blind?
Is humanity, some demon’s fantasy we’ve brought to life?  

---------------
In hoping my HTML code works the first time...
Edit: DOH! Guess not.  
Edit: I hate HTML!
  


Spreading insanity, one post at a time

My skull has glowing green eyes!

[This message has been edited by Deranger (edited 05-26-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Alexander Crino - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-05-26 09:06 PM


Wow you write so raw. I really like this one and it reaks of real life occurences.
I enjoyed this one.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

AngelShell
Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...
2 posted 2001-05-26 10:03 PM


It's good, you know it is, and you know what I want to say, and you know it's already been said so many times, and will continue to be said.

~First they tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place, then they tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody else~

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-05-26 10:17 PM


written very well...i enjoyed this poem a lot...thanks for sharing it...quite powerful...and hope to see more... ...?

ahhhhh....i'm addicted to passions in poetry!!!!!

princess^sarah
Member
since 2001-01-12
Posts 131
melbourne
4 posted 2001-05-27 12:34 PM


wow that was really cool

i hope to see more like that  

-love sarah

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
5 posted 2001-05-27 01:27 AM


whoa..dude this one was cool.  i started out reading it all slow then as it got more excellent i started reading faster.  this is truely a great poem, u should be proud of yourself :-)
-fear-

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
6 posted 2001-05-27 03:49 AM


raw is the word...i almost feel the speaker's anger...very emotional piece of writing here
anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
7 posted 2001-05-27 12:22 PM


Very, very, VERY good work here. Your words cut through my mind like a knife. Blunt words mixed with pure emotions make for one hell of a great piece like this.

Excellent job.  

~AF~

"I'm not a slave to a God that doesn't exist."
Manson - The Fight Song

TearsOfPearls
Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa
8 posted 2001-05-27 03:08 PM


Wow! Man...wow...what more can I say, this was an excelent poem!

Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice!

Deranger
Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498
Somewhere, between here and there
9 posted 2001-05-27 04:57 PM


There is some metamorphsis going on in my life.  My poetry is only one thing being affected; it's like all the sudden i'm no longer afraid of my violence, i want to use it.  I want to see what it will do.  It is very frightening.

As always, i appreciate your input.  I will try to respond to other's work...but i have to work today...

Spreading insanity, one post at a time

My skull has glowing green eyes!

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