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Teen Poetry #4
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fozzyozzy
Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-05-25 10:27 PM


Pursuit of a Doubt(2)

Open vistas of majestic beauty
Shall turn to mud sometimes
When tears do fall

Crying to me
             please I--
Sobbing alone
             always always

Allow me to kiss your cheeks
Of salty pleasure

Estranged among meadows
Leaves of grass betray you to an
                 Open Sky
And covers you when it rains
Though the night seems long
You'll never push your leaves
Until your time tells
To part
For existence

Yonder she sits alone crying into a cup
So that she may taketh that grail and drink up
And none shall share

"The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to ocean
Holding the curve of one position
Counting an endless repetition"
Robert Fr

© Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-26 01:08 AM


written very well..i liekd this one as well...the imagery in this poem was graet and the last verses were powerful also...great work here!...hope tos ee more... ...?

ahhhhh....i'm addicted to passions in poetry!!!!!

fearing-laughter
Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)
2 posted 2001-05-26 01:31 AM


sobbing alone always always.  that part got to me.  thanks for the great read :-)
-fear-

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2001-05-26 08:04 PM


Well done, but in my eyes not as good as the first. I still liked it though.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
4 posted 2001-05-27 08:05 AM


I actually liked this one a lot better than the first one. It seemed to have tons more emotion in it.

Well done.  

~AF~

"I'm not a slave to a God that doesn't exist."
Manson - The Fight Song

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
5 posted 2001-05-27 11:50 AM


I really like the way that you closed the piece with the lines in italics. Great work here!!  

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

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