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Godsend_1
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 247
great state of illinois

0 posted 2001-05-25 05:12 PM

this is like the first poem i ever wrote. i wrote it in like idk 7th or 8th grade. its about me and my life and all. now i did fix it up so it looked better so it isnt how it was when i first wrote it but pretty close. enjoy!!

I am the pathetic traveler
come follow me if you dare
on journeys hard to bare

maybe i am just a fly on the wall
wishing that I wasnt here

or maybe i am a giant bear
wearing a mask of death

a fly just watching and waiting
for his life to end
the bear ready to take yours

watching as I fade away
into this corner
of this long forgotten room

falling fast and faster
to a world all my own

dark and evil filled with hate
or dream like, living in a fantasy

one way or another this world is my own
the place i live
its in my mind away from the world outside

see I am the pathetic traveler

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be..so deal with it
to make the world the greatest place is the perfect dream in

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-25 09:19 PM

hey ben

...i liked the poem...but you should of just lefted the way it was written...by changes it you change the whole concept and meaning of whne it was written also...it wouldnt no more become a first written if you revise it along the way...i just wanted to say that...i think it was pretty good but...hope to see more and keep writing...

...?

ahhhhh....i'm addicted to passions in poetry!!!!!

Godsend_1
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 247
great state of illinois

2 posted 2001-05-25 09:36 PM

ok i didnt change any of the words i just broe it up into stanzas and moved a word or two around so that the sentence made sence other then that its all pure breed
Ben Redshaw the Great as a youngin'

ben

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be..so deal with it
to make the world the greatest place is the perfect dream in

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

3 posted 2001-05-26 01:10 AM

ben,
hey this poem was kool. people underestimate what people that age can write. (I know cuz i am that age) "or maybe i am a giant bear
wearing a mask of death" that is the best line to me...messed up but kool. thanks for sharing this one and keep writing!! :-)
-fear-

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-05-26 06:28 PM

I enjoyed this one.....at that age I was writing about football....that's it!
Anyway, nicely done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Deranger
Member

since 2000-05-10

Posts 498
Somewhere, between here and there

5 posted 2001-05-26 07:06 PM

The pathedic traveler...hmm, interesting concept. I like it just for that. But, not only for that.

Spreading insanity, one post at a time

My skull has glowing green eyes!

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