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pharon
Member

since 1999-11-13

Posts 251
alabama

0 posted 2001-05-24 11:01 PM

** i put both of these on the same page b/c i didn't want to waste space and b/c they're no where as good as the one's i had yesterday...

       me

the eyes
   hOllOw
      beauty
reminiscent of
echanted moons

-------------

RAGE consumed
as    passions gaze
above   that silent
bewitching mOOn

pharon
Member

since 1999-11-13

Posts 251
alabama

1 posted 2001-05-24 11:05 PM

i am VERY open to any suggestions...if you want to add on or tie in...infact, do you think i should tie these two together..i just kind of noticed that they're both about the moon...help

me

fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

2 posted 2001-05-24 11:07 PM

I liked the mOOn for some reason. Don't know why. I like your poetry a lot and I could see how you could cram two of those suckers on one page. But short reads are cool especially since I have no attention span.

fozzy

"The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to ocean
Holding the curve of one position
Counting an endless repetition"
Robert Fr

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-05-25 01:44 AM

sorry about yesterday...lol...cuz i can kinda see the creative side to your sytle...i liked them...and keep writing...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-05-25 04:25 AM

I absolutely love your style and ya....i think the two fit well with one another.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-05-29 02:26 PM

I could see a lot of talent in you. Keep writing. Thanks for the wonderful read, that was really good

I'm so sorry for doubting you Kit ... please forgive me!!!!

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-05-29 11:29 PM

If you are very open to suggestions, I think you should put up your critique flag... that's something in your profile that will remind the people AS they reply that you are "very open to suggestions." It's also a rule that we can't critique someone unless they have this flag up.

I also like this one... primarily because of how original it was to use the capitalized vowel sounds like that. Felt like a cow was reading the poem.
hehe...
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

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