Heya Faterider. Posting something for us whippersnappers, I see?
First of all, I love the use of similies in here... how they were isolated from the rest of the poem by being solitary lines or sets of lines, not parts of the stanzas. I thought this really improved the impact created by them, I have to praise that aspect of the poem.
Spacing and breaks in this poem add a lot to the flow and the feel of it... and that's what I appreciated most about it.
I also liked the second to last stanza, how it utilized hyphenated words in sequence. Very clever.
I'd have to say that the writing in here is not what makes it shine, rather the organization of breaks and spacing, how you built this. Suffice it to say the writing is good, but the formatting is magnificent.
Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.