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Kosetsu
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 450
Alabama, USA

0 posted 2001-05-21 08:10 PM

Circles closing in on me,
Circles only I can see,
Circles causing me to sin,
Circles close to me again,

Circling closing in the dark,
Circles spinning on the mark,
Circles spinning all around,
Circles falling to the ground,

Circles crying in the night,
Circles giving me the sight,
Spinning in circles once again,
Someone please stop me from spinning again.

"No one holds command over me.
No man.
No god.
No prince."

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

1 posted 2001-05-21 08:27 PM

hey this was cool. kind of hard for me to describe what i felt when i read it...dizziness? i know that sounds stupid but oh well. did i mention the poem was greaaaaaaat? well now i did. bye bye
-fear-

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-05-21 09:24 PM

hehe...i liekd this brought me a

...thnaks for sharing this poem...enjoyed it a lot...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

3 posted 2001-05-22 07:00 AM

Ahh you had an awesome rhythm goin on here but it went bubbye in that last stanza...well this was such a simple, yet such a complex poem....Enjoyed by me...
~Carly

"I'll take in anyone who's taking off their camouflage..." ~Third Eye Blind~Camouflage

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

4 posted 2001-05-22 01:30 PM

the repitition kept the flow perfect up until, as carly said, the last stanza. i still think you did an awsome job on this, i like it a lot.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-05-22 08:35 PM

I really liked this one. You did well.
Hope to see more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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