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Teen Poetry #4
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Godsend_1
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247
great state of illinois

0 posted 2001-05-19 05:24 AM


enter the soul of a frozen man
and see what i feel
blocking out light
of all spectrum
making life less grand

beware dark doors
that lead to dark places
beware bright doors
that lead to bright places

neverending stories
of already finished thoughts
trying to contemplate
all that i might have lost
entering this place

what might you gain
from breaking down your doors
how about another chance
to end the cause of all pain

begging of you i am
to let the world start anew
my friend dont you see
i need help in this endevor
help me break the door

sealing my emotions

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be..so deal with it
to make the world the greatest place is the perfect dream in

© Copyright 2001 Ben Redshaw - All Rights Reserved
banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
1 posted 2001-05-19 11:19 AM


very cool ending to this, iliked the last stanza and last line a whole lot.  you did a great job on this, keep posting your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
2 posted 2001-05-19 01:25 PM


..........wow..........
DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255

3 posted 2001-05-19 04:54 PM


really good  

Dont knock on deaths door ...... ring the bell and run......he hates that

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-05-19 05:34 PM


Very well done here Ben....I liked it so much.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
5 posted 2001-05-19 06:59 PM


This was really good, I liked it alot.  Seems like there's a deeper message within it.  

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

punkrockerrobin
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Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 1180
Sparks, NV
6 posted 2001-05-19 10:42 PM


ben you are to better than me! great poem!
Robin  

I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL!

joycerogers
Member
since 2001-05-16
Posts 83
Texas
7 posted 2001-05-20 11:08 AM


I agree totally with everyone else...you did a great job.  You use of methaphors is to be commended also.

To read poems posted here
at Passions In Poetry, by Joyce Click Here

Quiet Thunder, rumble
Through my cloud.
Touch my secret parts
Where only you are allowed. - Joyce Rogers

AngelPoet87
Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280
Indy
8 posted 2001-05-20 09:23 PM


Wow ben you are such a fab writer. *looks up at ben sitting on his pedistal of greatness* keep up the good work and I'll talk to ya layta. Luv, Hugs,

ali

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

9 posted 2001-05-20 10:24 PM


great job on the poem...i enjoyed it a lot...keep writing... ...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
10 posted 2001-05-22 06:45 PM


not too bad.
i'm just being particular about you other poem that i love so much  
keep em coming

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

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