the path - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

0 posted 2001-05-19 03:35 AM

okays this one like sux and it just like stops at the end lol but o wells....i feel like im startin to repeat myself in my stuffs? what do yall think?

ive felt the same as you
been down that path
walked in your shoes
cried your tears
dried your eyes
felt your heartache
experienced your loss
smiled in your suffering
hurt in your absence
ive felt the same as you
been down that path

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

I want to look into your eyes and see you smile at me
I want to hear you say "Well done"

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-19-2001).]

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

1 posted 2001-05-19 11:13 AM

i think you probably could have done a lot more with this. it does kinda just end and it doesn't have the same punch as some of the rest of your writing. i think it's a good idea though, i really think you should try to re-work this a little. keep sharing your work

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-05-19 04:04 PM

Maybe to put a punch in your poetry you should start using in depth symbolism....that's always fun...well for me.
Anyway this was actually well done. I don't think you're repeating yourself that much, but the quality of your poetry should keep at a steady level regardless of anything....I recomend experimentation...talk to Allan for that cuz I don't know how to write poetry

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-05-21 02:37 AM

i like where u getting at...but the poem definitly lacked something...keep writing tho...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

4 posted 2001-06-04 10:36 AM

I don't like it much cause it sounds like an attack to someone. It has a sarcastic feeling to it. Hope I'm wrong on this matter. keep sharing

I'm so sorry for doubting you Kit ... please forgive me!!!!

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

5 posted 2001-06-04 06:59 PM

it ffels like it's not finished yet....I think you could do a lot more with this one Tiffy girl

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.