Which Will You Choose? - pipTalk Forums

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~sugarpie313~
Member

since 2000-09-14

Posts 375
Maine, USA

0 posted 2001-05-18 03:14 PM

I think we can all relate to this. It's what we want to say to those who have broken our hearts *L*

Would you like to play with my heart?
And pull it around with strings?
Would you like to see all the hurt
And pain it will bring?

Would you like to toy with my feelings?
And pretend they aren't for real?
Or do you wanna rip my heart in two?
And make it hard to heal?

Those are your choices,
Which one will make you feel tall?
It's up to you to choose
Oh wait, you've already done them all.

"Don't offer yourself to the world, let the world offer itself to you"

[This message has been edited by ~sugarpie313~ (edited 05-18-2001).]

Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

1 posted 2001-05-18 03:36 PM

Val, as you know, I know how you feel! I love this, great work hun!!

ya,
Sara

"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

2 posted 2001-05-18 04:33 PM

Geez, I can really relate to this. Really creative and truthful piece here, Valerie. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

HeAvEnS AnGeL
Member

since 2001-05-17

Posts 168
The Hot Girl From Canada

3 posted 2001-05-18 05:06 PM

beautiful poem!
I loved it!
i can totally relate
guys will almost always
play with your emotions
but they are young and immature
so they will grow out of it

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-05-19 03:17 PM

I enjoyed this very much. You did so well on this one!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

5 posted 2001-05-21 03:10 AM

written very well on this sitaution...i enjoyed this read...hope to see more val...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

6 posted 2001-05-21 07:49 AM

HAHA this was funny. I'm sure everyone can relate tothis in one way or the other....This is so harsh, so angry...I love it! LOL

Jenn

~*brittt*~
Member

since 2001-05-09

Posts 76
East Haddam, CT

7 posted 2001-05-22 08:40 AM

Wow,I can really relate to this.. I mean REALLY. Every word. Very well done.
~britt~

baby0508
Member

since 2001-05-16

Posts 58
Moodus, Connecticut

8 posted 2001-05-22 09:01 AM

That was a really strong,well written poem. I really enjoyed it. Good for you..let whoever it is about hear what you have to say.keep up the good work!!!!

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

9 posted 2001-05-22 09:40 AM

This kinda reminded me of one of the pieces that I posted on here called "My Heart" but mine was a bit more...graphic..Hehe you did good on this, I liked it.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

joycerogers
Member

since 2001-05-16

Posts 83
Texas

10 posted 2001-05-22 10:51 AM

Yo Suga Baby,

You be so true. This poem reveal the game to the max. Good piece.

Observe the animals and they shall teach you the nature of life in man. Oberve the earth and it shall reveal the nature of life in God.

- Joyce Rog

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

11 posted 2001-05-22 07:01 PM

Sarcasm is a great tool in poetry, it's important to assure that it fits in well with the rest of the poem though. I think you jumped a bit quickly into a sarcastic ending without having much of a similar tone throughout the poem. This kinda made it read incorrectly to me.
I think it's important to learn how to better use sarcastic tones in poetry.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

~sugarpie313~
Member

since 2000-09-14

Posts 375
Maine, USA

12 posted 2001-05-22 07:46 PM

Thanks for the replies, and to Allan... thanks for your criticism but i've learned to ignore your replies for the most part. You always try to help, and i think that's great, but sometimes you go overboard and over criticize. Maybe i didn't use the sarcasm through out for a reason. You don't know that. So before you make remarks about poems, remember that poetry is all about expressing feelings, not using correct format, or syllables, or rhyming schemes. We are not trying to market our poems when we post them on here, we are just posting them for others to read and hopefully pass on some messages that they aren't the only ones out there going through things. I don't want to turn this into an Allan-bashing sort of thing but i am not the only one that feels this way. Well thank you for your time, i hope you understand all of this. Feel free to e mail me.

Valerie

Why do you do what u do to me baby...you know if I could I'd do anything for you, please don't ignore me cause you know I adore you

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