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Teen Poetry #4
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Fallen Angels
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Fallen Angels |
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Dana Samples Member
since 2001-04-07
Posts 68 |
"FALLING ANGELS" FALL on your KNEES HEAR the angels CRYING CRY into your HANDS WATCH the angels FALLING look up to the heavens see the angels falling down sky is now blackened injured angels crash into the groun’ our hands covered in blood for we slaughtered the innocent ones God’s society is crumbling to pieces Human society has now won FALL on your KNEES HEAR the angels CRYING CRY into your HANDS WATCH the angels FALLING do you see what we have done do you see the disaster that lay ahead moaning sea angels grasp at you ankles some are still living but most are dead have you forgot what they’ve done for you did you forget about when they helped you along why do you slaughter the innocent angels what could they have possible done so wrong FALL on your KNEES HEAR the angels CRYING CRY into your HANDS WATCH the angels FALLING they serve and protect you but as soon as they need you, you slaughter their souls now they are laying on the ground beaten you’ve torn them apart ‘til their no longer whole what will you do without them by your side to guide and protect you down the right path no help leads to confusion, leads to panic, leads to chaos, leads to disaster by humans; you do the math FALL on your KNEES HEAR the angels CRYING CRY into your HANDS WATCH the angels FALLING the end of the world is near and you’re left with the blood stained hands its not Gods fault for human stupidity you wanted to join together and make a "stand" so take blame for your stupidity take a look at what you have done get on your knees and bow down to God and praise what once used to be the sun FALL on your KNEES HEAR the angels CRYING CRY into your HANDS WATCH the angels FALLING By: Dana Samples 5-14-01 sorry i haven't written in awhile  |
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| © Copyright 2001 Dana Samples - All Rights Reserved | |||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
One powerful piece of writing... its true, we do disrepect and even forget about the gentle and loving powers that guide us from day to day. You paint this disturbing picture well. Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
Wow. Amazing. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
this was great...one powerful piece...the word made it even more so...i enjoyed this alot...thanks for the read...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Dana, this definitely provoked some thoughts in my head. One thing I thought was a bit distracting for me was having the "FALL on your KNEES HEAR the angels CRYING CRY into your HANDS WATCH the angels FALLING" section in with the rest of the poem. Perhaps you might like to try seperating it and making it an italics section. Because it seems to be a crucial part of the poem, really emphasising it's importance could be the missing bit in the piece. Just an opinion.  Nice work too. ~AF~ Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I liked it, but I didn't much like the way the repetition was written. That's only my opinion. ANyway I enjoyed this poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
~*stands up and applauds*~ outstanding  hi Sweets, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Allan, Val, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Maree, Michele, |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Wonderful job!!! |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
wow...this was freakin' awesome! really powerful. the caps made it sooo much better! i love this poem, tis going in my library. :-D thanks for the read! -fear- |
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the_rescue Member
since 2001-05-23
Posts 316Japan |
wow that poem really rocked i liked it alot you had some good imagery in there and such will be looking forward to seeing more of your stuff in the silence of the night I hear angels voices singing your name oh how beautiful is your name as they sing over and over. (SPOKEN) |
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angel_2401 Member
since 2001-06-12
Posts 131Cincinnati, OH |
I thought this was really good, really powerful. I don't have an attitude problem You have a perception problem. |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I thought this was a really powerful one too! I just thought that the repetition was emphasized the wrong way. I think it would look and sound better in italics also. I don't know. I just felt like the repetition took over the poem. Don't get me wrong, it's an awesome piece of work! Definately in my library! Keep it up! Rhonda  "Who did that?" "Charlie and Blake." "Who's Charlie and Blake?" "Rhonda and Amy.""Great. There goes the school." |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
this was good. powerful imagery |
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