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Teen Poetry #4
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Escape
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Escape |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC 
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Yes, this is a boring love poem, yes, I don't usually write these anymore. But this one has been sitting unfinished for months and I had to complete it. I’ve looked into your eyes and it’s still there You’ve seen into my heart and I still care But the feelings you’ve gone and tucked away Are making me live my life day to day One day I’ll see you and things are great And next time you’ll act as if I’m too late If I’ve missed my chance just let me go I’m past the point of caring, I just want to know There comes a time when you’ve had enough I’ve held on for this long, but now it’s just too tough If I’ve truly lost you just say goodbye You’ll hold a place in my heart till the day I die Just quit clutching it all if I can’t have yours in return I’ve walked through fire for you but all I did was get burned Got the scars to prove it, but the worst ones are inside Yet the emotional damage is the hardest to hide Cause I opened up to you and showed the real me You left me in the dark, no way I could see Now I’m searching for the light to show me the way Cause for every dark night there’s a brighter day Been one hell of a long night, thank God for dawn When the morning comes I’ll soon be gone I love you with all my heart and all my soul But I got to live my life, regain control I pray that one day the time is right For our love to escape the darkness and step into the light PS If anyone could do me a favor. I posted a piece called "Stagnant" a few days ago and wanted a little more input. Could someone else take a look and tell me what they think. "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jon - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Page 2 what is the world coming too? well we'll soon sort this out... and great job on the poem... I really liked it and i'm going to have a look at stagnant in a min  Mr mr Zu. " The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
love poems aren't a bad thing and this piece isn't a bad poem, i think it's good in fact. my only critique is that the lines all seemed to have a place where they could break a bit and if you made some of the lines into two seperate lines the piece might flow better. just a suggestion. anyway, keep posting your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i enjoyed much the meaning behind this poem...very nicely done on writing this...thanks for the read jon...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
 This nearly brought tears to my eyes, I can relate so much it's scary... this is going in my collection ASAP! Great work  ,Suga "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Thanks Suga_Baby. I don't think anyone should go through this. I hope everything looks up for you in this situation. Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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~*brittt*~ Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 76East Haddam, CT |
This poem was totally awsome and actually really sad. I don't know about anyone else, but I love those "boring love poems"Great job. Very well written. I'll take a look at the other poem for you, although I 'm not a very good critic... ~britt~ If you live to be 100 years old, I want to live to be 101 so I never have to live a day without you. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Great job on the poem....and sorry that this poem was on page two....and stagnant hasn't gotten replies....I've replied....i liked both of these poems....but i've had a bit of catching up to do. I should be done by tomorrow....i was gone for a week and had to make up. My bad.....   I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is really good. Why do we always critisize our own poems harshly?  I guess that just happnes. No matter what, I enjoyed the read and can't wait for you to share more. Thanks for sharing"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Wow I enjoyed this one sooo much!! I'm glad that you decided to finish it, and thank you for sharing. I found this to be really sad, yet inspiring towards to end. Great work. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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