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Teen Poetry #4
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broken wing
Junior Member
since 2001-04-30
Posts 37


0 posted 2001-05-13 11:13 PM


ok this isnt my best, but not my worst either so here it is:

the pain wont stop
wont go away
its always there
neverending agony
wrenching out my heart

im so alone
surrounded by everybody
surrounded by nothing
so alone that i hurt
the pain wont stop

i just want someone
to smile at me
a real smile from the eyes
maybe that will help
help the pain that wont stop

im so alone
wont go away
surrounded by nothing
someone to smile
help the pain that wont stop


© Copyright 2001 broken wing - All Rights Reserved
anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-13 11:20 PM


the meaning behind this poem..was a real one..and something i go through in life..you told it well...thansk for the read...and keep writing.. ...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

obscurity of cloud
Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....
2 posted 2001-05-13 11:30 PM


Wow, i encounter these emotions daily -- we have a lot in common from these few stanzas!  Email me if you ever want to talk.

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

silvrduck
Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146

3 posted 2001-05-13 11:41 PM


wow, you really expressed yourself well here. this is something i go through alot.. these feelings.
hope everything looks up for you.. take care,
Sarah

*love is blind; friendship closes its eyes.*

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-05-15 03:15 AM


I enjoyed this one a lot. Well done! Hope things get better

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
5 posted 2001-05-15 11:58 AM


This one reminded me of myself so much because like you, the pain in my soul is always there.  It's so difficult to deal with, but I can relate.  You did really good in expressing yourself, but I wish it wasn't pain that you are feeling.  

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

xShUgArHiGhx
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
6 posted 2001-05-15 09:26 PM


Yea this one reminded me of myself too... theres a smile hehe i hope that helps!! ::hugs::
Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-05-16 08:17 PM


here's a smile for you  
you got us here in pip, don't forget that

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Shyan
Junior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 10
Canada
8 posted 2001-05-17 12:18 PM


Hey. Well, I thought this was a good poem. there is so much pain in this world and I cant believe it........its just like whoa. And I can actualy say that I understand how you feel. C ya l8er.
anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
9 posted 2001-05-17 02:11 AM


I liked the repition of a few of your lines. It added that extra edge to the piece very well. You've described emotions that so many people encounter on a daily basis. For doing it so well, I commend your efforts.

Well done.

~AF~

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
~ Unknown ~

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