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Teen Poetry #4
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Suga_Baby
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380
Maine, USA

0 posted 2001-05-12 08:24 PM


Snapshots in my memory
Of the way we used to be
Smiles shared, words you spoke
When you belonged to me

My most vivid memory, though
One that stands out in my mind
Is the one you gave to me that day
That’s right-- the day you left me behind

I can still hear your stinging words
See that look in your eyes
I can feel the pain rush over me again
Although it came as no surprise

I hear you say you’re sorry again
As I cry, walk out your door
Not turning back, nor saying “goodbye”
Yearning to be stronger than before

But, here I am, 3 months later
Snapshots and words you said
Still etched in my mind’s eye...
Yet in your mind-- they’re dead

"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep."

© Copyright 2001 Sara - All Rights Reserved
knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
1 posted 2001-05-12 09:15 PM


i liked this alot
u described it very well
ur descripions and of how u felt
good job! hope all is well!
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"u say i only here wut i want too..."

Linc
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy
2 posted 2001-05-12 09:27 PM


Hey,

    I always enjoy reading your work, I liked this one and its going into my library. Now on the situation of the poem I never think that you can forget a partner totaly and that some of his/her words linger in your mind forever. Until your next poem

        -- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

katherine
Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365
Canberra Australia
3 posted 2001-05-12 10:21 PM


this is really good!
keep it up
katie

if you don't let them in they can't see the real you

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-05-12 10:26 PM


great flow...i liked how you expressed your feelings in here...thanks for sharing and keep writing... ...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
5 posted 2001-05-12 11:54 PM


Great job on the poem, and I like the title you chose too

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
6 posted 2001-05-13 11:27 AM


i agree with albert, the flow of this is good and the one thing that really stood out to me in this piece.  that and the powerful ending of this.  great job, keep writing  

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-05-16 10:25 AM


Sara --- how sure are you that he never thinks about it anymore.  You never know.  
keep sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

keoni
Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC
8 posted 2001-05-16 01:47 PM


Acire's right! I guarantee there are still times when you pop up in his head. It always happens. Good job on the poem.
Jon

"Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine
"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur

Godsend_1
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247
great state of illinois
9 posted 2001-05-16 02:51 PM


very sweet job my friend you have an amazing talent that puts this fat man to shame heh and way keep it up ok love ya oh and btw you are very cute *had to say that to make some one kinda madish but it still true*

ben



i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it

to make the world the greatest place is the perfect dre

[This message has been edited by Godsend_1 (edited 05-16-2001).]

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
10 posted 2001-05-16 02:56 PM


nice job hun i liked this alot ive already read it but idk if ive posted for it yet....but i have to now cuz of dork butt up there *points* tryin to make me jealous! *smax ben* dodo grrrs@u. we'll c who u be thinkin is cutish in july  
yup u just wait my friend! ull have it comin.
newayz great work again *hugs*
tiff


“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"You say i only hear what i want too..."

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-16-2001).]

lonely*soul
Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)
11 posted 2001-05-16 03:06 PM


wow...i like this..the feeling sucks...but this kinda thing happens...and when in doubt write good poetry!  and ya did..nice job here
            *KiMMiE*

Hacas
Junior Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 25

12 posted 2001-05-16 03:17 PM


I really enjoyed this poem...great job!

Keep up the good work!

Love
Ryan

"Fight for what you believe in"
"Stay yourself no matter what people say"

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
13 posted 2001-05-16 03:18 PM


Very sad, but I enjoyed it. Not your sadness, but the poem hehe..
You like the word 'etched' don't you?  

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

XFalloutX
Junior Member
since 2001-05-13
Posts 31
NC
14 posted 2001-05-16 03:41 PM


Me likes your poem. VERY  GOOD!!!  
I hope to see more  
(you think I got to many smile faces?)

"should I smile because we are friends or cry because thats all will ever be?"

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