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Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2001-05-11 08:13 AM

Okay, the first four lines were sent to me by a friend, she found them on the internet, and I'm gonna go off of that.

"I would give my soul forever,
to be held in your embrace,
to be beside the one I love,
to kiss your sleeping face."

To be the one you talk to,
whenever you need a friend,
to be your one and only,
forever, til the end.

To be the one you needed,
to be right by your side,
to sacrifice everything for you,
even my life and pride.

To watch the sun rise,
and it's return at dusk,
to tell you how I feel,
I love you very much.

To be the one you want,
your one and only too,
to just hear you say three words,
"I love you."

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't.
Life's tough, get a helmet.

[This message has been edited by acire (edited 05-12-2001).]

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

1 posted 2001-05-11 08:53 AM

Wonderful job! Sometimes you just need to see a begninning to get going on a really good poem. Do you know who wrote the first part?

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

2 posted 2001-05-11 09:38 AM

Allysa, you're stepping up on your feelings

Where have you been girl?
I loved every line of the poem
Very well expressed emotions
thanks for sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

3 posted 2001-05-11 11:15 AM

i think you did a great poem out of those lines but...you should find out who wrote it and at least give him..credit...anyways....keep writing...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

4 posted 2001-05-11 11:49 AM

every stanza in this poem is far better than the first, your writing in this piece is truly incredible. the rhyme was good and the flow was very nice as well. wonderful job on this, keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

5 posted 2001-05-11 11:51 AM

You did well with 'finishing' up the poem. It's full of love.

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

6 posted 2001-05-11 03:20 PM

ablert, what makes you so sure it's a "him"? Anyways, I e mailed Bridget and I'll ask her who wrote it tonight at the musical. Anwyas, thanks ya all!

I know you're in a better place and though I cannot see your face, I know you're smiling down on me, saying everything's okay. ~R Kelly (I wish)

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

7 posted 2001-05-11 05:42 PM

I'm with Peter, you humiliate the first stanza of this poem with your own talent.

Find out whoever wrote the first part, so you can teach them a thing or two.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

stace_co2003
Member

since 2001-03-30

Posts 497
In a dream world

8 posted 2001-05-11 09:41 PM

Hey!!
I really loved this poem, cuz it's kinda how I feel right about now. it's wonderfully written, and I give it two thumbs up, lol.

cya
Stace

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

9 posted 2001-05-12 04:25 PM

Allysa --- I have added quotation marks to the first stanza for copyright reasons. The quotation marks will show that you do give credit to an unknown author.

acire

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

10 posted 2001-05-13 09:49 PM

AAWwWWWWWwwwwwwwWWWWWwwwwwWWwww!!!! This is so sweet!!! hehehehe

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

11 posted 2001-05-14 08:10 AM

Thanks acire. You're always here to cover my mistakes/forgetfulness. I LOOOOVE YOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, thanks everyone!

I know you're in a better place and though I cannot see your face, I know you're smiling down on me, saying everything's okay. ~R Kelly (I wish)

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

12 posted 2001-05-14 09:49 AM

ha ha...no problem

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

13 posted 2001-05-15 02:03 AM

*looks at acire* suck up suck up!

Allysa, well done on the poem. I enjoyed it!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

14 posted 2001-05-15 11:34 AM

Thanks Dopey, ya know I love you!

I know you're in a better place and though I cannot see your face, I know you're smiling down on me, saying everything's okay. ~R Kelly (I wish)

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

15 posted 2001-05-15 12:02 PM

This was so, so, so good!! I really love the way this ended up, and its cool how you built it all off of a quote...Great job with this.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

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