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Ender
Member

since 1999-12-08

Posts 200
Yuma, AZ USA

0 posted 2001-05-10 10:40 PM

(i read the poem a few weeks back with the same title and all, but i wanted to make my own version. so, thank you to whoever gave me the idea)

There is this girl I know
With a voice so sweet
And eyes so bright
As if made of the stars shinning above

There is this girl I know
With a face so beautiful
And a body so elegant
As if made by the gods themselves

There is this girl I know
When I see her, she takes my breath away
And I wonder how could it be
As if she were the perfect girl

There is this girl I know
So sweet
With eyes so bright
So beautiful
A body so elegant
So breathtaking
So perfect
So natural

*Blonde people are normal. Everyone else is just strange. -Ender*

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-11 02:34 AM

interesting...i enjoyed the read..thanks for sharing and ..keep writing...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

2 posted 2001-05-11 08:43 AM

I really like this, it read very naturally for me. Great job on the poem, thanks for sharing it

"Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato.

[This message has been edited by Lakewalker (edited 05-11-2001).]

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2001-05-11 09:47 AM

You did a really good job on this one. You're really telented my friend. keep sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

4 posted 2001-05-11 09:51 AM

Well done, great job I liked this one loads.

Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

5 posted 2001-05-11 11:33 AM

i really liked how you made the last stanza different from the rest of the stanzas, that created a really nice effect. you did a wonderful job, keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-05-11 05:26 PM

Yes I also liked that last stanza thingie Peter pointed out, the words that were simply paired with "So" really stood out.
Very nice job.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-05-16 03:44 AM

If my memory serves correctly.....the person was Hallucination......I THINK..not sure....i read at least a hundred poems a day..so....it's a guess.
Anyhow....well done on this one.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Ender
Member

since 1999-12-08

Posts 200
Yuma, AZ USA

8 posted 2001-05-16 10:06 AM

thanx again dopey....i really wanna find the person when i find time and thank them

If I could be anything in the world, I would want to be your tear. I would be born in your eyes, live on your cheek, and die on your lips. -Ender

Voyce
Junior Member

since 2000-01-30

Posts 13
Colorado

9 posted 2001-05-16 10:07 AM

very cool. inspiration can get you far.

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