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| Teen Poetry #4 |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world 
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For a brief moment, It was all okay. For a split second, Everything went my way. I was in the sky, Walking on clouds. Smiling and laughing with friends, happy all around. The next thing I know I'm sad as can be... You said you don't like me, You pushed me away. All I can think about are all of those days When you trusted me with everything, And you always had something to say. You don't like me, And probably never will, I know this now... but I can't let go. My mind is saying "PLEASE?!?!?" My heart is saying no. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, all I can think about, is turning your eyes my way. It's time to let go of you... and all the hurt inside. It's time I got over you, you can't say I haven't tried. but try as I might... I just can't get over you. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Stacy Caudill - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ethel lahootie Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143SC, USA |
all i can say is...good job and trust me ive been there! hope u can b strong!!! ~jO~ |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Good job on your first post here! I love your beginning, it flowed very well. The ending of the poem didn't keep the flow, but the way you share the feelings was great. Keep posting  "For a brief moment, It was all okay. For a split second, Everything went my way." "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
 WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! Oh, how I KNOW how you feel! All of my poems lately have been similiar to this, maybe you could check 'em out!  Hehe anyways, I really enjoyed this and I could really relate to it! Great first post, hope to see many more!  ,Suga "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!! good first post..and feel better, b.c ive beent here..and things only get better *KiMMiE* |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Welcome to Passions!! i really like your first post, you did a really excellent job on this. i'm looking forward to reading lots more from you and i hope that you decide to stay for a long time Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Welcome to passions great first post. Well done, I hope to see more of your work in the future. Zu " The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! Hope you enjoy PIP as much as we all do. Happy sharing and reading as well. pls check your email Your first post is overflowing with emotions. That is really good. I'm pretty impressed. I think you'll do well in here, so you should keep sharing. "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Hi and Welcome! Hope to see more from you SEA |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
"Everything went my way. I was in the sky, Walking on clouds. Smiling and laughing with friends, happy all around`" i really liked how you discribed your good feelings through this poema nd also the sad..great job and ..keep writing...  ...?oh...and welCOME TO PASSions!... if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
Welcome to passions, this was a very nice poem, I do hope things get better for you. if you can't already tell, we're a fairly caring community here at passions... almost family like in some ways Anyway, hope to see more from you."Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
THANKS!!! wow, so, I know it's not the best thing in the world, but I wrote down exactly how I felt. I thank you all for replying so quickly, and I do plan to stay...just wait for the next tramautic period in my life, LOL.  bye!! Stace |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Excellent work on the poem! I'm sure many of us have been there before. I'm sure it's not a great feeling at all. My only advice is that you should try to remain friends, even outside of romance. Welcome to Passions in Poetry! Hope to see you in here more often reading, replying and sharing with the rest of us! ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Stace: Nice poem. I liked your hyperbole in the beginning[the "walking on clouds" bit]. The rest of the poem read quite well. As for critiques, have you written poetry before? What type of style do u use? "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
WELCOME TO PASSIONSWOO HOO!!!!!great first post! cant wait for more lolstiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
I really liked your theme...i definetly sympathize. Welcome to Passions, and do keep posting! so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! This was such a good first post!! Im so glad you decided to join us!! Keep the poems coming hehe...Welcome again! |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
hey guys!! thanks for all the replies! I'm very greatful!! *s* Stace |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Welcome to Passions stace..... I enjoyed the poem and Hope to see more. You did very well on this one.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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