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Teen Poetry #4
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idk ne ideas?
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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idk ne ideas? |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
criticism given but never taken heartfelt words but a selfish meaning wanting to hurt but not knowing why always telling lies but not comprehending wanting to stop but not knowing how i dont think i like this...ne ideas to make it better? “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” |
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| © Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved | |||
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MoeRocko Member
since 2001-04-25
Posts 166West Virginia |
I have an idea How bout talkin to me Tiff :P |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Hmm... I don't know exactly what to do with the poem to improve it. I would have to recommend maybe taking each thought and expanding a bit on it? Like instead of "criticism given" say something a bit longer? Maybe span two lines? Just an idea... ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
not the best..but still good, and meaning ful..just a lil bit too short and sweet for my taste...srry  *KiMMiE* cant please em all./// |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
I actually love the idea behind this poem """ Criticism given But never taken """ An Idea or action But (ha) contrary Some clever ideas in this poem. The way it is now leaves alot up to the reader to analyze. Which can be good, but I think the poem loses some power in this case because it is so general. I think Allan had the right Idea. Maybe if you took the ideas you had for this poem and made them a bit more specific you may end up with something great Again I enjoyed this one Jason Oh and a title that sums up your thoughts here would have helped me delve into your mind on this one. But I only critique because you asked, I actually think this poem is great. [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 05-09-2001).] |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
maybe it's the setting of when you wrote this where you tired, did you force it? things like that matter i guess just let it flow when it's willing to come out anyways, that was an interesting read thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed some of the ideas within the poem that Jason pointed out. I also feel that sometimes you try to force a poem about. Like when you are in writer's block you write a poem about writer's block...and i mean that's great but i've seen about more than 5 poems about writer's block from you. I feel that sometimes you just write a poem to post it up in passions and that's it. Like not for the sake of fully expressing yourself, but for the sake of just posting up a poem and getting replies. Believe me tiff......I LOVE your poetry....you have written some deep stuff. Stuff in which I admire and adore....but then sometimes I see poems which don't have much feelings or compare not to those amazing poems I see and it really makes me think how you can write AMAZING poetry...and then poetry about writer's block more than 5 times...... I hope yer not taking this the wrong way. I'm your friend, and I'm just a friend expressing myself....and being honest like you want in the critique sign  Hope to see more tiff!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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