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Teen Poetry #4
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artemis_selene
Junior Member
since 2001-05-07
Posts 14
virginia

0 posted 2001-05-08 05:37 PM


this is so bad, it's kind of depressing, but i guess it contributes to the overall theme.

An endless tide of sadness
laps gently at my soul

A river of anxiety feeds
the ocean of my fears

Darkness, lonliness, all the demons
that haunt my tortured mind

why does it have to be this way?
there will always be a void

a bottomless abyss of self loathing,
self doubt, self conciousness

they are all like stones laid upon my chest
they make me sink down, down into

a sea of emptiness.

© Copyright 2001 artemis_selene - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2001-05-08 05:44 PM


very sad....I hope it's not a personal reflection...here is a hug for you (((HUG))) just in case   SEA
anonymous albert ?
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since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-05-08 05:49 PM


great job on the poem and this has a similar theme to this poem i wrote but it only has emotions compared to it..i liekd it and hope to see more...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

lonely*soul
Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)
3 posted 2001-05-08 06:11 PM


OUCH i really really enjoyed this one...like alot...a sea of emptiness...awsome job
           *KiMMiE*

Acies
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
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Twilight Zone
4 posted 2001-05-08 06:24 PM


I like it a lot
you expressed yourself well
and im a big fan of free verse
one thing though, I'd take of the stanzas and write th ewhole thing as one
just a thought  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
5 posted 2001-05-08 08:11 PM


Yeah, I'll be honest and admit I liked your other one better than this.  I am not a big fan of free verse however unless it is done incredibly well.  Might have something to do with the fact that I can't write free verse to save my life...  
Well keep sharing, either way.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
6 posted 2001-05-09 09:57 AM


i, on the other hand, love free verse, and i also really like this poem.  your express yourself beautifully in this and the poem is full of emotion.  great job on this, keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

vixengrl04
Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495
East Haddam, CT
7 posted 2001-05-09 09:59 AM


This was really sad, and it was almost as if I could feel your pain within the poem.  You wrote it well though, and I wish you the best.  Good job.  

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

ScarletPoetess
Junior Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 18

8 posted 2001-05-09 10:17 AM


You have beautiful words in this piece.  This is a poem to be proud of.  You expressed yourself nicely, and the flow is right on.  Wonderful job!

I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real.

xShUgArHiGhx
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since 2000-09-26
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tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs
9 posted 2001-05-10 10:04 PM


This was very sad but not every poem can be full of happiness...the important thing is you write what you feel...and thats what you did   Excellent
Dopey Dope
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since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
10 posted 2001-05-15 03:19 PM


I thought this was great. I prefer this one to the other one. Hey, we all have our preferences right?
Well done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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