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Passions in Poetry

Isabella learns to count

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Tangerines
Junior Member
since 05-07-2001
[First Post] 24
Richmond, Virginia


0 posted 05-07-2001 04:49 PM       View Profile for Tangerines   Email Tangerines   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tangerines

This is different from most of the things I've read on this forum, but here goes. Happy, Ben? You convinced me.


i howl in my nursery, unaware.
with my deck of cards and my easy grin,
i'm ready to take you on in eyeliner and heels.
how much like a dream i'm becoming:
you're wondering, watching me, and i know.
every day. i draw hemorrhaging goldfish
in black pencils and pastels. oil paints.
validations like silk and wrinkled linen,
sometimes stained with blood from uneasy nights,
draping over my eyes and yours.
and my roots, untorn, un-uprooted.
you know? that apple's been bitten.
that fruit's off the vine.
mutilation in Technicolor is the only worthwhile kind.
© Copyright 2001 Susan - All Rights Reserved
banburycross
Senior Member
since 03-27-2001
Posts 1087
viginia


1 posted 05-07-2001 05:15 PM       View Profile for banburycross   Email banburycross   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for banburycross

Welcome to Passions!!

well i'm glad you decided to join us here, i know how talented a writer you are and i look forward to reading lots more of your work.  this is a wonderful first post, the imagery especially drew me in.  great job on this, i hope you keep posting and replying.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

JBaker515
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 02-28-2001
Posts 1262
Dartmouth College


2 posted 05-07-2001 05:16 PM       View Profile for JBaker515   Email JBaker515   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JBaker515

Welcome To Passions!!
You will love it here!!


Great First Post..

$ Jeff $ :)

"If I'm not back in 5 minutes......just wait longer!"

"You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEDOM!

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 06-18-2000
Posts 757


3 posted 05-07-2001 06:58 PM       View Profile for Isabel Galaxia   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Isabel Galaxia

Hey this is GREAT!  I love this line:
i'm ready to take you on in eyeliner and heels.
Good job

Bel
Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 01-04-2001
Posts 4212
Winnipeg


4 posted 05-07-2001 10:53 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

I really like the title, as it pertains to the poem.  Kinda tough to understand but I see how it tied in...
The feel and tone of the poem were very well set, I believe.  You did a great job of setting a wonderful mood.  
Welcome to Passions in Poetry.  We have a lot of Bens in here, care to clarify exactly who you are referring to please?  
Hope to see you around here more often.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

anonymousfemale
Member Ascendant
since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


5 posted 05-07-2001 11:29 PM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

What a totally kick ass first post! Not alot of newbies actually make it into my library but you have done it.

These lines stuck out big time:
"every day. i draw hemorrhaging goldfish
in black pencils and pastels. oil paints.
validations like silk and wrinkled linen,
sometimes stained with blood from uneasy nights"

As the welcomes have already been said, I'll just say I hope to see alot more of these pieces very soon.  

~AF~

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
~ Unknown ~

SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


6 posted 05-08-2001 10:54 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

Welcome!   Great first post....I hope to see you posting more and replying    Please check your email for a special greeting!    SEA
knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 04-14-2001
Posts 950
obscured vision


7 posted 05-08-2001 11:52 AM       View Profile for knightlyshadows   Email knightlyshadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for knightlyshadows

gawwwsh!!!!!!
a newbies alreadAys makin me feel 'stupis'!
*cries* lol this poem was sooo over me head but it could be cuz tis earlays *feels not as 'stupis' nows* yay mes!
lols newayz i loved the eyeliner and heels line toos!
woo hoo!!!!!!!!

welcome to passions

A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.

U in the dark u in the pain u on the run
Living a hell living ur ghost living ur hell

vixengrl04
Senior Member
since 04-26-2001
Posts 513
East Haddam, CT


8 posted 05-08-2001 11:55 AM       View Profile for vixengrl04   Email vixengrl04   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for vixengrl04

This was very different from anything I have ever read, but I think thats why I like it so much.  You've got some awesome words put together that give me the chills because its so abstract.  Kind of reminds me of a Picasso painting put into words.  This is a super first post, and you are going into my library.  Please post more.  

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

Tangerines
Junior Member
since 05-07-2001
Posts 24
Richmond, Virginia


9 posted 05-08-2001 02:51 PM       View Profile for Tangerines   Email Tangerines   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tangerines

Thanks for the warm welcome, everyone. I appreciate your comments.  
Acies
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Moderator
Member Laureate
since 06-07-2000
Posts 14805
Twilight Zone


10 posted 05-10-2001 11:11 PM       View Profile for Acies   Email Acies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Acies

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!!

What a wonderful first post
Hope you enjoy reading as well as sharing here in PIP
can't wait to read your next post  

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."W.S.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Laureate
since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


11 posted 05-15-2001 03:25 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

Wowish....welcome to passions....
How dare you come in here and impress me with your first post! That's a sin!  
Very well done!
I loved the poem and hope to see more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Marshalzu
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Member Elite
since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


12 posted 05-15-2001 04:03 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Great first post... and wow u impressed Dopey... major achievement... anyway very impressed... good poem  
Mr mr Zu

" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 03-23-2001
Posts 4172


13 posted 05-15-2001 05:23 PM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

hey kinda late but welcome to passions ...i liked this read...thanks for sharing it with us... ...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

obscurity of cloud
Member
since 05-11-2001
Posts 305
....:::::******:::::....


14 posted 05-15-2001 09:11 PM       View Profile for obscurity of cloud   Email obscurity of cloud   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for obscurity of cloud

This is spectacular.  Don't ever hesitate to post anything like this...and thanks to whomever bumped it back up, because i missed it the first time around.

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


15 posted 10-05-2002 01:48 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

This is absolutely spectacular.  You have a real talent and it's a shame that I would never expect to see you around anymore.

The title really spun me out, which is what really drew me to this piece.  Aside from that, your abstract descriptions...

"How much like a dream I'm becoming."  That's the killer line, in my opinion... I like the implications of this...

Overall, it's a treat to see someone with such an unsual style.  I wonder if you'll ever read this.

Probably not.  Oh well, I've said my piece.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

cherish
Member Ascendant
since 03-25-2001
Posts 6045
swimming in fairy floss.......


16 posted 01-14-2003 12:00 AM       View Profile for cherish   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherish

Awesome.

I've the mind to spam this thread just so you could start posting more poetry again...
Awesome..

Are you scared?                                          BOO! Are you now?

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