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Ransom
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Ransom |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT 
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This is still definitely not one of my best. I will make an effort to get one of my better ones on here soon, so don't think that everything I write is quite as sucky as this. I noticed that some of the lines dont fit together quite that well, so suggestions are welcome. Thanks. ~*Nikki*~ ____________________________________________________ ~*Ransom*~ I'm being held ransom, trapped in my own life. Unable to escape, the everyday strife. I'm being held ransom, there's no way out. My soul has been captured, I have no doubt. I'm being held ransom, stuck as myself. Need to get out of here, I'm losing my health. I'm being held ransom, and I can't break free. I wish there was a way, that you could rescue me. Not enough money in the world, that would allow me to go. I'm being held ransom, and nobody knows. ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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| © Copyright 2001 Nikki - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
For starters, I didn't see that this poem was at all bad. It's nothing excellent, but I can't see many real flaws to it. I think it might be as good as it is going to get. If I were you I'd look at the repitition of the first line of most stanzas... it might be a bit effective if you trimmed use of that line just a tad, or rearranged it. Still I'm a bit unsure... Until next time, I await your favourite works.  ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
this isn't your best work but it certainly isn't anything that sucks. i think that going back and tinkering a bit with the number of syllables in each line to help the flow out a bit. i still thought this waqs pretty good though, keep posting all your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
nikki..this was a good poem..and im not gonna cut it apart b.c youll beat me (not that i was planing on saying bad stuff anyways..lol) good job. and member u can live at my house anytime u want hehe... *KiM* |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
yea..mine too  ...just kiddin'..hehe..*ahem*..ok on the poem i thought the meaning behind the poem was great..."I'm being held ransom, trapped in my own life. Unable to escape, the everyday strife".... that really gave something relate thru the poem the most...i really liked it...keep writing...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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fearing-laughter Senior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 605land of cheese (Wisconsin) |
nikki, i liked this poem...dunno why you said it sucked cuz it didn't. i guess we're all pretty harsh on our own writing tho. keep writin!!! -fear- |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Well done! I enjoyed the poem....not your best, but still a wonderful poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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dramaqueen22086 Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 50Hadlyme, CT |
nikki good job on this poem, i think every thing you is great, i think im your biggest fan. you and kimmie, are my fav poet in the world. luv ya ~!kellie!~ |
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stace_co2003 Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497In a dream world |
you did do a great job on this one, don't put it down...and in actuality, I know exactly waht you are talking about in it. Stace |
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~*brittt*~ Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 76East Haddam, CT |
Nikki: bet u didnt think ud see a reply from me up here! i like this poem and i think i already told u that. i love u hun. keep up the good work. ~britt~ |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Great work... it doesn't suck at all... although the problem of life and strife... which we have all come across... anyway I await you favourites... Mr mr Zu " The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Hey guys thank you for even more replies!! Britt~You have 2 start posting some of ur poems on here hun. Thanks. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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*~valeria~* Junior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 10East Haddam, CT |
hey hunnie bunches of oats. this is a really good poem. i love it and i think that you should write some more poems these are really good. |
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*~valeria~* Junior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 10East Haddam, CT |
hey hunnie bunches of oats. this is a really good poem. i love it and i think that you should write some more poems these are really good. *~*~VALERIA~*~* |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Whoaaa very good job on this one vixen!!! I really enjoyed this one...keep up the good work! |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Valeria~Hunnie bunches of oats eh?? Sometmes I pretned not 2 know u, lol... Shuga~Thanks, glad you liked this. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
This is a great concept, but i believe you can make it better. Try and repost it as a revised poem. It has all the works of a great poem. thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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