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Fading Away
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since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

0 posted 2001-05-06 07:38 PM


You're bruising my wrists
against the uneven edges of this reality,
Swinging your bat at the silence
until all that remains
are these sun-kissed memories
Floating in a cracked fishbowl...

It seems like you've been gone for years,
but I can still hear your spirit
climbing my stairs at night,
searching for the loophole
until you've instead discovered
my weakness,
my solution,
and my inconsistency.

Your hands have been shaking ever since
we stopped making eye contact.
I've been standing here with my arms open,
but I'm starting to wonder if you can even
see past your own trembling creations...

Now all we can do
is collapse in the rain,
fingers laced,
minds broken,
tasting the air,
and feeling the thunder
sift between our toes.

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved
JBaker515
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since 2001-02-28
Posts 458
Dartmouth College
1 posted 2001-05-06 07:43 PM


Marie, INCREDIBLE
Truly marie, this poem was awesome..you did such a great job..i love your writing!!

"Now all we can do
is collapse in the rain,
fingers laced,
minds broken,
tasting the air,
and feeling the thunder
sift between our toes."


The ending was breathtaking..
I cant wait to see more!!
till next time marie!
  

~ Jeff ~  

"If I'm not back in 5 minutes......just wait longer!"

"You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEDOM!!"

[This message has been edited by JBaker515 (edited 05-06-2001).]

Jenn Cirrincione
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Fl
2 posted 2001-05-06 08:15 PM


Wow, I liked this.... very powerful words.
I look forward to more.

Jenn

"I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet

Deranger
Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498
Somewhere, between here and there
3 posted 2001-05-06 08:50 PM


FALSE AVERTISING!!!! JUST LIKE THE ORIGINAL.  IT DOES TOo END.

Uh...sorry, i have some unresolved issues from my childhood....

Yes, very poignant, and not in the rotting eggs kinda way.  *Salutes*

Spreading insanity, one post at a time

My skull has glowing green eyes!

anonymous albert ?
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Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-05-07 02:02 AM


definitly a powerful piece..
great writing as always..marie..
i liked it much..enjoyed also hehe..cya~

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Allan Riverwood
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since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
5 posted 2001-05-07 08:54 AM


Marie.  Wow.
I detected a lot in this poem similar to the poem "hate," it's sort of written with the same technique and style as you used in that one.
Which of course means that this is marvelous.
I really like this poem, it had a lot of powerful lines and metaphoric imagery (that little feature to your writing that makes you so special).  
One of your better works, in my opinion, is this one right here.  It just oozes with raw power of words.
I'm adding it to my library.  
Excellent work.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Godsend_1
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247
great state of illinois
6 posted 2001-05-07 09:18 AM


hey marie how ya doing hun i thought this poem was just incredible i really liked it a lot and i think you have an awesome talent so keep it up ok i love you *hugs*

ben

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
7 posted 2001-05-07 01:10 PM


You are so amazing baby, your writing takes my breath away.  the imagery is incredible, the words you use are powerful and go straight to the heart of the reader.  you are so talented, don't ever stop sharing your beautiful writing with all of us.  btw, i now have the song from the never ending story movie stuck in my head.  i want one of those cool puppy dragons that was in that movie, he was the best    anyway, i love you, keep writing beautiful poetry.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Child of the Stars
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since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
8 posted 2001-05-07 04:55 PM


Dude....VERy nice literary usages in this piece....it kicked butt...man did it ever kick butt...man oh man...............
  ~Carly

"Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.  And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears."   ~Kahil Gibran

Dopey Dope
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Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
9 posted 2001-05-13 05:45 PM


Wow Marie, this poem was sensational!
Amazing poem. I loved every word of it and the ending is perfect.
Well done Marie!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

stace_co2003
Member
since 2001-03-30
Posts 497
In a dream world
10 posted 2001-05-13 05:51 PM


it's WONDERFUL!!!

two thumbs up fer ya!!  

but it was really good, and I enjoyed reading it....  

sTace

(I will be okay....really)

Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA
11 posted 2001-05-13 08:13 PM


Kudos to you!! Wow I was soo totally blown away from your poem..very very powerful piece!!!! I don't know whatelse to say, just utterly totally amazing, yeah lol I have that song stuck in my head too!!! =p anywho, take care..

*hugs*
Kristen

"Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night"

~Crash and Burn~

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
12 posted 2001-12-11 11:38 AM


I'm speechless....omg....wow....*totally blank*

~AF~

"Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier

paper doll
Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty
13 posted 2002-09-02 09:05 AM


Amazing. Absolutely amazing. There are so many elements of this that I adore and could sit here for hours unravelling every square inch of it - but I wont.

The last stanza by far is the best. You write with such a flair - it's making me rather green. Wonderful. Thank you for the read.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

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