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TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

0 posted 2001-05-06 08:49 AM

Hehe...yeah...another poem to do with a tear...sorry...this, I dunno, it doesn't really have that power I would like it to have...

You see me
as I'm standing here,
I'm next to you
and still not near
to the picture of me
you see so clear.

And a dry tear
will fall from my eye
down to my heart
with a mournful sigh,
then into my soul
where it will die.

From that place
something new will grow
but the pain I feel
will never show,
whether it's there or not,
you will never know

cause when a dry tear
falls from my eye
down to my heart
with a mournful sigh
then to my soul,
it's a little of me that dies.

Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice!

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-05-06 12:00 PM

i liked the meaning behind the poem..it was great but the flow kinda seemed iffy esp at the end lines when the die part sets in..other then that i thought this was a great poem..keepwriting

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-05-06 12:01 PM

but i really think this was a great poem

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-05-06 12:26 PM

This was actually pretty good ienjoyed this pem immensely. I hope to read more in the future.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-05-06 01:18 PM

Wow.. this is beautiful! Nicely done.

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

DragonFang
Senior Member

since 2000-03-09

Posts 522
Missouri, USA

5 posted 2001-05-06 01:24 PM

Nice poem, I enjoyed reading it quite a bit.

"Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \
I am lost in my own mind.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-05-06 05:29 PM

Good job on the poem! I enjoyed it.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

JBaker515

Member

since 2001-02-28

Posts 458
Dartmouth College

7 posted 2001-05-06 08:20 PM

GREAT POEM HERE!!

~ Jeff ~:)

"If I'm not back in 5 minutes......just wait longer!"

"You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEDOM!

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

8 posted 2001-05-07 10:50 AM

i agree that this could be a little more powerful and i think you can make it more so by changing the rhyme scheme a bit. instead of having the same rhyme three times in a stanza you should rhyme just the second and last line so that the rhyme is more profound when you come back to it. just a suggestion though. you did a good job on this, keep posting your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

EagleScorpion
Senior Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever

9 posted 2001-07-03 03:35 PM

If i knew you in person I'd just want to give you a really big hug so maybe you'd feel a little better..all these things you have written here are all so sad it makes we worry about you a little

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