Bitter Mad.... GRRR! LOL :Þ

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Suga_Baby
Member

since 2000-08-06

Posts 380
Maine, USA

0 posted 2001-05-05 03:39 PM

I cannot help but wanting
What we once had
And I’m the one it’s haunting
Makes me go mad
It’s oh so very taunting
How fast it went bad
And the happiness you’re flaunting
Makes me bitter mad

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-05-05 03:54 PM

Nice rhyme scheme... if you like restricting yourself to only two rhymes per poem (as you did in this one) then I think maybe you should try the villanelle format, it's very fun to do and extremely rewarding.

Plus it's catching on lately.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-05-05 03:56 PM

yea..the rym worked well...it gave the poem a nice flow..and i enjoyed the poem...keep writing

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Hacas
Junior Member

since 2001-05-05

Posts 25

3 posted 2001-05-05 04:06 PM

Nice poem sug!

Keep up the good work! *cheers*

Allan: I agree with you, the villanelle format is really fun.

JBaker515

Member

since 2001-02-28

Posts 458
Dartmouth College

4 posted 2001-05-05 04:11 PM

Yup, VILLANELLES!!!!..LOL.
they are great, tough, and as allan said, very rewarding..well this poem seemed pretty simple and basic..easy rythme scheme, but it was good.

-Jeff

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

5 posted 2001-05-05 04:12 PM

i agree with everyone...it was a good poem...keep writing!

*KiMmIe*

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-05-06 02:14 AM

Well done! Very well done! I really liked the way this poem flowed. You did wonderfully on this one. Hope to see more.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

7 posted 2001-05-06 12:08 PM

Well done!
It seems like this would be difficult to only use two rhymes, but you did very well. Nice work!

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

8 posted 2001-05-06 12:09 PM

Ahh.. double post.

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 05-06-2001).]

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

9 posted 2001-05-06 12:09 PM

Ahh! Triple post.. so sorry

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 05-06-2001).]

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

10 posted 2001-05-06 12:11 PM

..........

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

11 posted 2001-05-07 09:11 PM

good expression of your feelings Sara. I just wonder when you are gonna move on

You know I'm here if you need to talk

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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