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Teen Poetry #4
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The Unknown Winter Land
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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The Unknown Winter Land |
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Hacas Junior Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 25 |
The frost that stings like fire upon my cheek, The loneliness of this forsaken ground, The long white drift upon whose powdered peak I sit in the great silence as one bound; The rippled sheet of snow where the wind blew Across the open fields for miles ahead; The far-off city towered and roofed in blue A tender line upon the western red; The stars that singly, then in flocks appear, Like jets of silver from the violet dome, So wonderful, so many and so near, And then the golden moon to light me home-- The crunching snowshoes and the stinging air, And silence, frost, and beauty everywhere. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Hacas - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This is quite good, it looked like a sonnet of some sort... although your Iambic Pentameter was a bit off in places. "I sit in the great silence as one bound The rippled sheet of snow where the wind blew" These two lines use "the" as an accented syllable... that really doesn't work well at all, in my opinion. However, the rest of the poem was refreshingly well-written. Your meter (the rest of it, that is) complimented the poem very nicely. Welcome to Passions in Poetry. I hope to see you reading, replying and sharing with the rest of us more often! Oh and in the meantime, check out the Teen Chat forum if you'd like to get to know us all a lot better. Most of all, have fun!  ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Hacas Junior Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 25 |
Thanks Allen!  |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
fist of all... "weLCOME TO PASSions" hope you like it here and this was a very good first post.. enjoyed it much..keep writing  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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Hacas Junior Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 25 |
Thanks Al for the warm welcome.  [This message has been edited by Hacas (edited 05-05-2001).] |
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Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!! This is a REALLY good poem... it gave me chills up and down my spine! Brr! *LOL* (sorry I'm hyper hehe) Keep posting!"A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
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Hacas Junior Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 25 |
Thank you lovely Suga |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
well done on the poem! I truly enjoyed it!! Welcome to passions and I hope to see you post/reply in the future!! Please check your e-mail for a special message!!!!!!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Ohhhh this was great...so peaceful, so calming...Welcome to Passions and I hope you enjoy your time here. ~Carly "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
THe images in this piece are so beautiful! I enjoyed this quite a lot, Hacas. Wonderful job! I hope to see more. --Marie Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry. |
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DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
Very nice poem. Makes me long to return to Alaska... Welcome to passions, hope you enjoy your stay."Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
Welcome to passions!! The imagery in this was incredible, your words flow beautifully onto the page. i hope to see lots of posts and replies from you, i know you'll love it here Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Like everyone has already said, welcome to Passions. Great poem btw. Hope to see more from you soon. Hasta luego Bel |
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Hacas Junior Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 25 |
Nice to meet y'all! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! Glad you joined us here in PIP You're first post has shown such imagery very imporessive thanks for sharing and I hope to see more of your work "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Welcome to Passions Good job on your first post, I hope you enjoy it here "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
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ethel lahootie Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143SC, USA |
WOW  the imagery in this was !WOW! haha im speechless...what can i say? wel great poem! i luved it! good job!~jO~ |
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Hacas Junior Member
since 2001-05-05
Posts 25 |
Gee hehe thanks guys...I never thought this poem would get such a success...thanks again y'all Love Hacas "Fight for what you believe in" |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
WELCOME to PASSIONS Wow this was a very good first post!! WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME!!!! |
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