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Teen Poetry #4
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Dark Omega
Junior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 17
SC, USA

0 posted 2001-05-05 12:16 PM


Ben, back, after a long time. Sorry, I haven't put much effort into poetry lately, but here's a shortie.

At the pearly gates of heaven
to St. Peter I will tell
Ben reporting, sir
I've served my time in hell

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work . . . I want to achieve it through not dying." -Woody Allen

© Copyright 2001 Ben Boswell - All Rights Reserved
Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
1 posted 2001-05-05 02:53 AM


Hah, cute!  I did like it!  
I think you might add a couplet at the end to wrap it up though?  Just a suggestion.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

2 posted 2001-05-05 03:00 AM


LOL, I liked this one.  It sounded kinda like a line you'd hear in some military film!  Good job here.  It seemed quite casual.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
3 posted 2001-05-05 03:06 AM


Haha!  Cute!  I like this.. thanks for the laugh  

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-05-05 03:15 AM


This was great! I really thought this was good!
Well done!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Dark Omega
Junior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 17
SC, USA
5 posted 2001-05-05 10:52 PM


Hey, guys, thanks for the compliment. Actually, I DID hear something LIKE it on a military film....

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work . . . I want to achieve it through not dying." -Woody Allen

DarkAngelOfTheStars
Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 255

6 posted 2001-05-05 11:44 PM


hey this was cute.....i like   good job

Dont knock on deaths door ...... ring the bell and run......he hates that

lonely*soul
Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)
7 posted 2001-05-05 11:49 PM


hehe thats cute..it sounds like one of those ryhmes that kids in catholic school say...  aww..nevermind  lol
          *KiM*

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

8 posted 2001-05-06 08:23 PM


Hey Chicobob!  Was this supposed to be funny..cuz.. hmm nevermind.  
Am I still a "Goddess?"

Bel

JBaker515
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Member
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458
Dartmouth College
9 posted 2001-05-06 08:26 PM


CUTE POEM HERE BEN
gave me a good chuckle!!
   :< :{:}:[:]

~ Jeff ~     :)

"If I'm not back in 5 minutes......just wait longer!"

"You may take our lives, but you'll never take our FREEDOM!

ethel lahootie
Member
since 2001-03-06
Posts 143
SC, USA
10 posted 2001-05-06 09:44 PM


hahah cute ben
come around more boy....like u have no time for poerty!?! just write some in psycho spanish class! hahaha   i liked ur poem good job!
~jObEtH~

DragonFang
Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522
Missouri, USA
11 posted 2001-05-06 11:25 PM


Hehe, I liked that one. Short and amusing.

"Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \
I am lost in my own mind.


AngelShell
Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...
12 posted 2001-05-07 02:07 AM


Really cool.
Don't see many like this round.  Totally cool.

~First they tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place, then they tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody else~

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
13 posted 2001-05-07 11:08 AM


i read the poem and then i read everyone's replies and i have to say that i'm lost.  i didn't think it was funny at all, i think the way you ended this prevented me from seeing it in that light.  i did think that it was clever and i would like to see you expand on this if you have the chance.  keep posting all your work.  

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

14 posted 2001-05-07 06:50 PM


*evil laughter*  
I agree w/ Peter(banburycross).  What can I say?

Bel

[This message has been edited by Isabel Galaxia (edited 05-07-2001).]

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