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Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 2001-05-04 05:45 PM

Spring,
at random,
paves everything
platinum,
ties the streets in a knot
of a pretzel,
and boils the blood.
The hand drops the pencil.
It’s hot
even at nights,
when the lights
of the street-lamps
collapse
on people’s
shoulders
like needles
and bodies smolder.
As the mercury reaches
the triple digits,
the sweat,
in beads
and droplets,
covers the forehead
and dampens
the virgin bed
sheets.
The opened window
inhales steam
which passes into
the person’s
dream
and all
disperses
into the mist,--
as if the world
did not exist.

[This message has been edited by Master (edited 05-05-2001).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-05-05 12:47 PM

holy! The ending is amazing!!!! VERY WELL DONE! Amazing job on this one!! Whoa! The ending was amazing....I can't give enough praise to this poem.Great build up throughout the poem and a fantastic conclusion.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

2 posted 2001-05-05 03:03 AM

I didn't enjoy it quite as did Javier, but I did like the fragmented formatting and line breaks, it made for a very unique feel throughout. The ending was definitely not disappointing in the least.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

3 posted 2001-05-08 06:55 PM

~*kneels and bows to the Master*~
wow!!!
wow!!!
wow!!!
OMG!!!
OMG!!!
OMG!!!
This is PERFECT

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

4 posted 2001-05-08 06:59 PM

i really like the ending! good job
*KiMMiE*

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

5 posted 2001-05-09 10:03 AM

This flowed really unlike anything I've ever read before, but thats what I liked. Amazing work, it was so beautiful.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

6 posted 2001-05-11 01:00 AM

i read this poem once...and i liked it
I read it out loud...and it took on a WHOLE NEW LIFE

what do i think?
i think you should have titled this one corona so more people read it =D

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-05-11 02:02 AM

wow!!...i really liked the ending...great job..as i enjoyed the poem..throughout...keep writing...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

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