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Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

0 posted 2001-05-03 01:27 PM

Just something I wrote really quickly only a few minutes ago. Any ideas for a title?
--------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat up last night,
Clutching my prayers to my chest,
As if someone might steal them.
My fingers were ink-dabbed
And there were streaks
Of watercolor
Staining my shirt,
But I didn’t wash them off -
I thought I might look
Like a piece of art.

The sun was harsh this morning
But my sleepless night
Soon turned into a
Nightless sleep,
And I heard nothing
But glass words resonating
Through my soul...

'Don’t let the shadows
Seem darker,
Than they really are.'

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 05-03-2001).]

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

1 posted 2001-05-03 01:32 PM

"Dont let the shadows
seem darker than they really are"

Wow! this was amzing. great imagery.

Regina

"Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you"bon jovi

[This message has been edited by Ina (edited 05-03-2001).]

banburycross
Senior Member

since 2001-03-27

Posts 946
viginia

2 posted 2001-05-03 01:37 PM

i really like the way you ended this, it gave the poem a really positive feel to it. as far as the title goes, i'm not very good when it comes to that but for some reason i like glass shadows for this piece. oh yeah, i also really liked the image that you presented in the first stanza, your talent never ceases to amaze. great job on this love, i'll see you tonight.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-05-04 01:49 PM

The poem was ok, but the ending was the part that put the huge impact on me. Well done on it. VERY true....those last verse rocked.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

4 posted 2001-05-08 01:19 PM

Hey,

*A sole tear runs down his face* this is very very well done I absolutely beyond superb beyond any words...Until your next masterpiece

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

5 posted 2001-05-08 02:19 PM

Wow Marie this was really cool

well done, Sorry but no ideas for a title.
Zu

Tangerines
Junior Member

since 2001-05-07

Posts 22
Richmond, Virginia

6 posted 2001-05-08 03:20 PM

Wow. This is - incredible. Your word use is vivid. How about "Chiaroscuro" as a title? Unless I'm completely off, it's a technique of using dark and light colors in a painting.

"I don't judge people, I just watch them till it's time to look away. I wanna look away now." - Kristin Hersh

vixengrl04
Member

since 2001-04-26

Posts 495
East Haddam, CT

7 posted 2001-05-08 04:48 PM

Wow this was really great. I especially love those last lines and your imagery is wonderful. I don't know about a title, but if you come up with one, let us know. Good work.

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

8 posted 2001-05-08 05:20 PM

this was good...
but what got me the most was definitly the those "awesome" last verses...
great job and keep writing marie

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

lonely*soul
Member

since 2001-04-05

Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)

9 posted 2001-05-08 06:29 PM

wow those last two lines gave the whole poem a whole postitive vibe..and srry no title ideas...but tell us when ya get one k?
*KiMMiE*

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

10 posted 2001-05-08 08:13 PM

I really like this one. It's so.... you. You're awesome, Marie! Awesome!
Everything about this one made me pound my face against the keyboard in a jealous rage.
Why
Why
Why can't I write free verse?

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

11 posted 2001-12-11 11:36 AM

The last three lines in this is what I enjoyed the most. The rest of it didn't really catch my attention that much. Don't know why though.

All the same, thanks for sharing.

~AF~

"Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier

paper doll
Member

since 2002-08-04

Posts 133
Floating on Uncertainty

12 posted 2002-09-02 09:03 AM

quote:
I thought I might look
Like a piece of art.

This has a particular magic to it, Marie. The words are so brilliantly strung together that they themselves are like a work of art. I wish I could define more what I liked about this piece but let my silence be a good indication of how much i enjoyed it.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

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