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Untitled

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Fading Away
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since 03-14-2001
Posts 4302
Lynchburg, Virginia


0 posted 05-03-2001 01:27 PM       View Profile for Fading Away   Email Fading Away   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Fading Away

Just something I wrote really quickly only a few minutes ago.  Any ideas for a title?
--------------------------------------------------------------------

I sat up last night,
Clutching my prayers to my chest,
As if someone might steal them.
My fingers were ink-dabbed
And there were streaks
Of watercolor
Staining my shirt,
But I didnít wash them off -
I thought I might look
Like a piece of art.

The sun was harsh this morning
But my sleepless night
Soon turned into a
Nightless sleep,
And I heard nothing
But glass words resonating
Through my soul...

'Donít let the shadows
Seem darker,
Than they really are.'

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 05-03-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved
Ina
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since 10-09-2000
Posts 1331
Quebec, Canada


1 posted 05-03-2001 01:32 PM       View Profile for Ina   Email Ina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ina

"Dont let the shadows
seem darker than they really are"

Wow! this was amzing. great imagery.

Regina

"Take a look at my face, there's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you"bon jovi

[This message has been edited by Ina (edited 05-03-2001).]

banburycross
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since 03-27-2001
Posts 1087
viginia


2 posted 05-03-2001 01:37 PM       View Profile for banburycross   Email banburycross   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for banburycross

i really like the way you ended this, it gave the poem a really positive feel to it.  as far as the title goes, i'm not very good when it comes to that but for some reason i like glass shadows for this piece.  oh yeah, i also really liked the image that you presented in the first stanza, your talent never ceases to amaze.  great job on this love, i'll see you tonight.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope
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3 posted 05-04-2001 01:49 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

The poem was ok, but the ending was the part that put the huge impact on me. Well done on it. VERY true....those last verse rocked.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Linc
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The Backstreet Boy


4 posted 05-08-2001 01:19 PM       View Profile for Linc   Email Linc   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Linc

Hey,

   *A sole tear runs down his face* this is very very well done I absolutely beyond superb beyond any words...Until your next masterpiece

      -- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Marshalzu
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Lurking


5 posted 05-08-2001 02:19 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Wow Marie this was really cool   well done, Sorry but no ideas for a title.
Zu
Tangerines
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since 05-07-2001
Posts 24
Richmond, Virginia


6 posted 05-08-2001 03:20 PM       View Profile for Tangerines   Email Tangerines   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tangerines

Wow. This is - incredible. Your word use is vivid. How about "Chiaroscuro" as a title? Unless I'm completely off, it's a technique of using dark and light colors in a painting.

"I don't judge people, I just watch them till it's time to look away. I wanna look away now." - Kristin Hersh

vixengrl04
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since 04-26-2001
Posts 513
East Haddam, CT


7 posted 05-08-2001 04:48 PM       View Profile for vixengrl04   Email vixengrl04   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for vixengrl04

Wow this was really great. I especially love those last lines and your imagery is wonderful.  I don't know about a title, but if you come up with one, let us know.  Good work.  

~*Nikki*~

~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~

anonymous albert ?
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8 posted 05-08-2001 05:20 PM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

this was good...
but what got me the most was definitly the those "awesome" last verses...
great job and keep writing marie

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

lonely*soul
Senior Member
since 04-05-2001
Posts 672
east haddam (moodus) ct :)


9 posted 05-08-2001 06:29 PM       View Profile for lonely*soul   Email lonely*soul   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for lonely*soul

wow those last two lines gave the whole poem a whole postitive vibe..and srry  no title ideas...but tell us when ya get one k?
           *KiMMiE*
Allan Riverwood
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Winnipeg


10 posted 05-08-2001 08:13 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

I really like this one.  It's so.... you.  You're awesome, Marie!  Awesome!
Everything about this one made me pound my face against the keyboard in a jealous rage.
Why
Why
Why can't I write free verse?  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.††Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.††
~Unknown

anonymousfemale
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


11 posted 12-11-2001 11:36 AM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

The last three lines in this is what I enjoyed the most. The rest of it didn't really catch my attention that much. Don't know why though.  

All the same, thanks for sharing.  

~AF~

"Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier

paper doll
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since 08-04-2002
Posts 138
Floating on Uncertainty


12 posted 09-02-2002 09:03 AM       View Profile for paper doll   Email paper doll   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for paper doll

quote:
I thought I might look
Like a piece of art.


This has a particular magic to it, Marie. The words are so brilliantly strung together that they themselves are like a work of art. I wish I could define more what I liked about this piece but let my silence be a good indication of how much i enjoyed it.

~M

Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality.

 
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