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rain falls
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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rain falls |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
ummm i tried sumthin new with this one..format atleast. tell me what u thinks peeze!  rain falls hitting hard slashing through... my body my mind cloudy sky pitch black confusion reigns as the rain falls .....should i make it as 'body, mind' insteads of my body my mind ? lol or does it just sux majors and dont bother doin nuttins to its? lol:P “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” "at the touch of love anyone becomes a poet" [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-02-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Tiffany Durham - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I actually enjoyed it the way it's currently written tiff. Well done on it. I really liked the poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Silver Butterfly Junior Member
since 2001-03-13
Posts 42Between here and the end |
I like the poem the way it is. Don't take out the "my"s. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Keep, keep. Loved it muchos...  ~Carly "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the self-same well from which your laughter rises was often-times filled with your tears." ~Kahil Gibran |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
good poem.. i think it was fine.. leave it the way it is.. anyways keep writing tiff  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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