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Teen Poetry #4
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Alone In The Desert (Part 1)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Alone In The Desert (Part 1) |
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Low Man's Lyric Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236In a dream |
Alone In The Desert (Part 1) One man is all alone in this baren land but all he can see is this vast sand he walks for days and days on end he knows he will die alone without a friend He continues to walk with the sun glaring him down hoping to see someone or at least a town this man is tough and will stride some more so he doesn't die and rot on the deserts floor Then he comes up to a huge hill made of sand he starts crawling up it in this baren land but finds himself too tired to continue all the way so he decides to rest and climb it the next day He stands up and then continues this ordeal while crawling, this place has a odd sense of feel finally getting to the top he glances forward he became still while his arms are being lowered He can't believe what his eyes are seeing and the pounding of his heart fleeing it's a beautiful place full of trees and a big lake it truly is a blessing for heavens sake Well thats all for now, I am getting tired and my mind is trying to shutdown so I will continue some time tomorrow with part 2. Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." |
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| © Copyright 2001 Aaron B. - All Rights Reserved | |||
JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
cool beans...... |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
beautiful story telling..i loved the way this poem was written... all the images was wonderful..as the you writeing was great cuz in the beginning shows the survival..and at the end by holding on to reach your goals he finds what he always waited for..awesome i really liked this cuz this is like my lifes story but i'm climbing endlessyly to find my goal and hopefully reach that beautiful trees and lake..thanks for sharing..i enjoyed this much..finish part two...hurrry..hehe   ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-02-2001).] |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i just wanted to add that i really liked this ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
this is a great opening to a story, i think you did a good job on this. i'm looking forward to reading part two soon, so keep posting your work. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I think the message of this was really great. I enjoyed this poem a lot of hope to see the other edition soon!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Nice work! This is great start. I really enjoyed this, and I'm looking forward to part 2. Well done. --Marie Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
You have some very good story telling skills. I really enjoyed this piece, and I also love the depths in which you can take this metaphor. Looking forward to part 2! Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
you're a good narrator try prose one of these days I know you'll do good with it thanks for sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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