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Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

0 posted 2001-04-30 03:37 PM

All you told me,
Turned out false.

Traits you claimed,
Just empty promises.

Completely different,
From what I knew.

What seemed so unique,
Never more ordinary.

Somehow changed,
Now gone astray...

What was special and beautiful,
Just a new-found emptiness.

I haven't been posting in a while... so I figured I'd put something together... not my best, but oh well... hope you like it.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2001-04-30 04:13 PM

This is hard hitting...I liked it very much

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

2 posted 2001-04-30 04:28 PM

i liked this poem...
this showed some thoughts of yours in a different way..
this is a sad thing that happens...
which a heart that was true turns to be a lie that has faded after a love that existed
and you explained it nicely...
great job on the poem jenn
and keep writing

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-30-2001).]

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

3 posted 2001-04-30 06:32 PM

To be honest, Jenn, I really did enjoy this a great deal. Short couplets really drew me in, improved the impact a great deal. Each word couplet me like a razor edge, there is a great deal of power to this poem.
I honestly did enjoy it a lot.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

IsGona
Senior Member

since 2000-07-14

Posts 723

4 posted 2001-04-30 06:36 PM

Much enjoyed Jenn, I'm glad your posting more again. I like the last couplet the best but each one was great

~Jason

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2001-04-30 10:48 PM

Pretty to the point in style. Good format, and an overall good poem. Very hard hitting message. Threw me off my seat....well not literally, but hey

I liked it.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

6 posted 2001-05-01 02:00 PM

The style of this poem really added to what you were trying to say. I like that.. very nice job.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-05-09 06:18 PM

Not bad Jenn...Straight to the point. Sometimes that's what makes a poem great

keep sharing

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

8 posted 2001-05-10 08:33 AM

great poem Jenn. I would write more, but my hand hurts, so see ya around.

I wish people would stop telling me that I can do anything I want to. I never thought that I couldn't.
Life's tough, get a helmet.

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