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Teen Poetry #4
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Godsend_1
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 247
great state of illinois

0 posted 2001-04-29 11:52 PM


Crazy peace pipe dreams
Living in a underwater scheme
Not knowing what I am gonna do about
All these reason I want to go out

Thinking of you my purple friend
I hope to never ever see the end
Of these oh so odd
Dreams of freaky cod

I wonder why I have to feel
Like I live inside a giant eel
Its cold and dank and dreary
And you know it is even kind of eerie

Well I guess this is the end of my story
I am sorry if you thought it was gory
But I guess I just had to let you see
About my crazy peace pipe dreams

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it

© Copyright 2001 Ben Redshaw - All Rights Reserved
sleepymoongirl
Member
since 2001-04-19
Posts 157
bc canada
1 posted 2001-04-30 12:01 PM


hey ben who b ur purple friend? me wonderz liked the poem love from me

as u go in life there will be ur hardships it is up to u if it makes u or breaks u.  

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
2 posted 2001-04-30 12:10 PM


i spies me scarlet agains:O *jumps on her..agains* loves u hunnAy!!

hmm@this one! *knows theres a way deep thing goin on here but is blonde*
i love you!
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"at the touch of love anyone becomes a poet"

Allan Riverwood
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502
Winnipeg
3 posted 2001-04-30 12:15 PM


@this crazy group of people

Well Ben, I'd have to say this was a decent poem.  I didn't think it was "gory" so I am compelled to advise you to simply rephrase it so that the word "sorry" appears at the end of the sentence, and it doesn't look so much like you struggled to rhyme?  Just some advice.  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2001-04-30 09:59 PM


Weird, but good.
I enjoyed this.

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
5 posted 2001-05-09 12:47 PM


2 things....Who's the purple friend, and why purple?

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee."  W.S.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
6 posted 2001-05-09 12:56 PM


Oooo I likey it alotey.  

very cool title mixed with a very cool poem. WOW! What a rare combination!!

~AF~

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
~ Unknown ~

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