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Teen Poetry #4
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Allan Riverwood
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Winnipeg

0 posted 2001-04-29 09:25 PM


a ceiling sparkling crystalline
confines me down to dig the earth
and plant the seeds upon the scene
to blatantly express my worth

a tree grows now, and falls again
I sigh, and sit upon a stone
and carve into my infant skin
a verse to read, and chant alone

words can bleed, and people die
alone do fall the stars so high
and sitting, standing, as am I
the grass to bind my feet

the past behind
condemns to find
my feelings of defeat
to sit as one
beneath the sun
and let the maggots eat


a love to find within a soul
and then a love to do without
accusing, swallowing me whole
engulfing my desire and doubt

I lay beside the casket lace
and carve a word of love to send
for kingdoms lost within her face
I bite my nails for days on end

words can bleed, and people die
alone do fall the stars so high
and sitting, standing, as am I
the grass to bind my feet

the past behind
condemns to find
my feelings of defeat
to sit as one
beneath the sun
and let the maggots eat


alone, a loss, a fiend am I
I bite my nails until I die

© Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Alwye
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Posts 3850
In the space between moments
1 posted 2001-04-29 09:34 PM


Incredible Allan!  Intense images, a wealth of wisdom....this is one of the best things I've read from you.  I'm impressed, my friend!  

*Krista Knutson*

"We can all become what we aspire to be
If Heaven's here on Earth..." ~Tracy Chapman

LoveBug
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2 posted 2001-04-29 09:41 PM


And so the series ends. An impressive ending.. very powerful and very well-written. This entire series has been a treat to trace, and you definently didn't disappoint with the ending. I especally love your use of repitition, it really emphisized the imporant parts... thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli
Blame Canada!

knightlyshadows
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since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
3 posted 2001-04-29 10:19 PM


omg! like ummmmm WOW!!!!!!!!!!
*is gonna look up the rest of the series*
great job allan! lol glad u finished it
tiff


“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"at the touch of love anyone becomes a poet"

[This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 04-29-2001).]

knightlyshadows
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since 2001-04-14
Posts 791
obscured vision
4 posted 2001-04-29 11:45 PM


opps forgot to add this to me library!
allans fault...yet again :P LOL
tiff

“A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.”

"at the touch of love anyone becomes a poet"

JBaker515
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5 posted 2001-04-29 11:47 PM


Great ending alan, its amazing!!
I loved every line in that poem.
U are wonderful!

anonymous albert ?
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6 posted 2001-04-29 11:52 PM


great job and the repitition of the two stanzas worked very well in this poem...
i liked it..keep writing

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

anonymousfemale
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
7 posted 2001-04-30 03:45 AM


Allan, this is most definitely a fitting finish to such a marvellous series. Your imagery was superb and the rhyme scheme suited it brilliantly.
The images that you have painted in my mind will stay around for quite a while.

Bravo, Allan.  

~AF~

" Your mother's in here with us Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it."
The Devil - The Exorcist

anonymousfemale
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since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797
Limbo
8 posted 2001-04-30 03:46 AM


Ahem...forgot to press the library button...

" Your mother's in here with us Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it."
The Devil - The Exorcist

banburycross
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since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
9 posted 2001-04-30 01:15 PM


the series as a whole is one of the most impressive collections of writing i have ever laid eyes on.  you used lots of formats and styles and really showed throughout how incredibly talented a writer you are.  every format you used, you made your own and wrote every poem in this series beautifully.  it has truly been a pleasure to read.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Dopey Dope
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San Juan, Puerto Rico
10 posted 2001-04-30 10:21 PM


You're on a roll Allan!
This was great! I really did enjoy this poem. The whole thing.....the flow, the scheme.....everything. Very well done on this.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Low Man's Lyric
Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236
In a dream
11 posted 2001-04-30 10:28 PM


Another masterpeice made by Allan, congrats my friend.

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."  
~Anonymous

Fading Away
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12 posted 2001-05-01 01:56 PM


Outstanding work!!  Each one in the series just keeps getting better and better... I thought the last few were the best I've read in the series, but this one tops them all.  Wonderful work, my friend!  You always seem to impress me more and more with every post.. how do you do it?  
Nicely done!

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Sven
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13 posted 2001-05-01 08:05 PM


Hey. . . I've gotta find the rest of this series. . . it's really good Allan. . .  

---------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

lonely*soul
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since 2001-04-05
Posts 396
east haddam (moodus) ct :)
14 posted 2001-05-01 08:12 PM


I LOVE THIS!!!   awsome job hun!!!  the best poem ive read in quite a while... to the library it goes!!!
       *KiM*

"i once asked my daddy, daddy, are we going to the moon, and he said, we cant get to the moon from where we are" ~ME (hehe this actully happened to me

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

15 posted 2001-05-02 04:03 AM


Allan:

This was great.  You are definitely improving.  This is the best I've seen from you yet.  I especially enjoyed the rhythm and the way in which the rhymes worked out so well.  Great job!

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

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